Dear Harlan,
I'm a freshman living in the dorms this year. I've got a huge crush on my resident assistant. It's not even a crush of convenience — I hang out with him every day, and as cheesy as it sounds, he's literally different from any guy I've ever met in my life. But I know it's not very smart to date your R.A., for obvious reasons. What advice would you give for this dilemma?
Adult Crush
Dear Adult Crush,
As a rule — someone who can write you up is never allowed to feel you up. Yes, he's different. He's different because you've never met a guy who lives a few doors down in a position of power. Hot guy plus power plus living next door plus no curfew equals hot fantasy and intense emotions. All this said, until he's not in a position of power, don't date him. Look at it like this: If you like this guy, why would you put him in a position where he could get fired? Should you date this guy, he could end up losing his job. And if room and board is a perk of the position, this means he might be forced to move home. Then he won't be down the hall, down the street or in the state. I don't doubt your attraction. I don't doubt he's different, but make sure it's not illegal or against the rules. Besides, if you become a couple and break up, your ex-boyfriend will be your R.A. living down the hall. See the problem now?
At my school, RA's have to get permission to date residents. While it's not forbidden, they do have to give their boss prior notice. That prevents any abuse of power. If you and your RA hook up before he's notified his supervisor, he will be automatically fired. And if you do decide you want to be in a relationship, he'll have to move. Not to a few doors further away, but out of the building. He will be out of the building the same day, and then you're free to date. While I'm not guaranteeing it will be the same at your school, the policy is probably very similar. If you are both willing to make those changes, then feel free to try things out with the relationship. You just need to be prepared for the consequences if things go badly.
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