Hey Harlan,
So, I recently started to experiment with the same sex. Afterward, I always become ill (such as nausea, vomiting, etc.). But for some reason, I keep going back to this experimental side of things. Now I have met a guy who is pretty nice. We have been hanging out, and things have been going well. After one night we spent together, the next day I felt horrible. I felt guilty and ashamed and several times during the course of the day I started to become horribly upset. I would start to cry when I was alone and thought about the previous night's events. I have talked to him about it, and he said that I just need to find myself. I am not sure what to do. I was wondering if you can help me. It would be greatly appreciated!
Searching For Me
Dear Searching,
Instead of guilt, shame, sickness or sadness, feel an intense sense of pride. Smile. You're figuring it out. It can be frightening to be authentic. Appreciate that when it comes to sexual orientation, we live in two worlds. One is a world where people will judge you based on your sexual orientation, and the other is a place where people will love and accept you regardless of who you love. Seek out the people living in a world who will love and respect you. But it all starts with you. It's hard to feel good about yourself when your best friend (you) is so judgmental and unforgiving.Stop judging yourself. Accept who you are. Work to love yourself unconditionally. This means taking a break from dating or experimenting with anyone until you can love yourself. As you continue your self-exploration, turn to adults who have been down a similar path. Find a therapist to guide you. Look to online resources like www.pflag.org (this can point you in the direction to get help). Forget labels. Focus on working on accepting and loving yourself. Only then will you be emotionally equipped to share your life with another man or woman and have the courage and confidence to live an authentic life in both worlds. Now that's happiness.
Searching, I agree with the above, in that loving someone else starts with you. However, at the end of the day, if a relationship is making you feel that intensely guilty and physically sick, that might be a clue that this experiment is a flop!
ReplyDeleteHarlan tell me dating a married man is fine as I am looking to get married living a lonely life for so long is hectic.I need a break and should start dating.I know that dating a married man can be hard as he has his mind on his wife and children.If there is love than its from the mans side a woman can not propose a man.I am a single woman a college student and is currently looking for someone to date.There should be no cheating from a married man as if he wants to be in a relationship the only solution is divorce.As its hard to keep loving two women what do you think Harlan.Its an opportunity to write to you about my thoughts on dating and being in a relationship.I don't want to be rejected so who is going to date me.As a friend I am sincere and caring.You will be a lovely date for me as there can be no good looking guy like you.Harlan can I ask you a personal question.Will you Marry me just an idea what wold you say to a single mother.Thanks for your help.
ReplyDeleteDO NOT do things that make you guilty or sick. Take things slow, and if it freaks you out, stop.
ReplyDeleteALSO: unprotected anal sex CAN make you physically ill afterwords if you are bottoming.