Dear Harlan,
I happened to glance through the "Help Me, Harlan" section of the paper, and was appalled when I read your response to "Confused and Hurt's" letter. Contrary to your comment, there is nothing "loving, monogamous or adoring" about men who allow pornography to enter into their marriage. Marriage is between one man and one woman — not one man and multiple women. Our society has normalized all this to ward off the guilt associated with it, and then we wonder why so many marriages are failing. From both personal experience and documented research, the most important thing to most men is respect. There is nothing to respect in a man that lacks the self-control and selfishly indulges himself in self-destructive behavior that hurts both his wife and, without realizing it, himself. Don't contribute to an already self-destructive society that is fueling destructive marriage.
Kristy
Dear Kristy,
Thanks for the note. Sorry to appall you. Some people think marriage is between a man and woman. Some people think it's between a man and a man or a woman and a woman. When it comes to porn in marriage, I believe it's a couple's personal choice. What breaks up marriage is contempt, a lack of communication and unforeseen circumstances. Not porn.
Harlan....you're the best advice-giver out there right now, but you've got some things to learn...ok, ok, I do too!
ReplyDeletePorn is one poor substitute for the real thing. It demeans us and the real live object of our affection. Plus it can get ink on your hands and mouth.
Spend more time trying to make a relationship better instead of fantasizing a menage a trois or more.
Your loyal reader....Tom,
I listened to ur talk on college weeklive till my pc connection died as u talked about shy ppl.You had some awesome advice and I asked my dad to get your book on anazon.com thanks again
ReplyDeleteWell, Harlan, I can't even fathom being in the minority who would agree with you, but count me in. Our view of sexuality and especially pornography is still reeling from our very early religious leaders. Thanks Church! Now back to my porn which my wife also happens to like ....
ReplyDelete"Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy." :-)
ReplyDeleteMy partner and I (we're a gay couple) both enjoy our pornography from time to time - we mostly watch it together. We've been together ten years (longer than the majority of the "one man, one woman" unions that some self-righteous individuals feel the need to keep going on about). Our relationship has only grown stronger over the years and hasn't crumbled to pieces because of that gosh darned evil porn we allowed into our lives...go figure.
If someone wants to spend their life having very vanilla, traditional sex and thinks that pornography is inherently wicked, that's of course up to them - but when they attempt to impose their views on the lives of others, they should be prepared to find out just how unwelcome is their intrusion into what doesn't concern them.