Dear Harlan,
I don't even know where to begin. I recently had a very bad semester at the close of my sophomore year. I made some bad decisions. I didn't always go to class because the classes were, for the most part, online. I fell behind and couldn't recover. When I got my grades, I prayed I would only be on probation and have an opportunity to retake the classes and set things right. But instead I found out that I had been academically disqualified from the university. I'm very active in student groups, and even though I may have to attend a semester at a community college so I can then transfer back into the school I love, I really want that to be my last resort. I have the chance to appeal, but I don't think what I told you would persuade them to let me have another shot. The other side of the coin is that if/when this becomes final after I try to appeal, how do I tell my parents? That actually scares me more than anything. I come from a high-achieving family with three siblings who have all completed college and earned degrees. I'm really at the end of my wits racking my brain trying to figure out a solution. I'm at a loss.
Hanging by a Thread
Dear Hanging by a Thread,
Here's what you should NOT do: Hide, run, get angry, make excuses, feel ashamed, feel stupid, be embarrassed and be afraid. What you should do: Admit you made a mistake, apologize, face this and commit to making changes. Understand that the people reading your appeal want you to succeed. "When I read an appeal, I recognize that everyone's story is unique. Empathy is necessity when working with students who are struggling," said Eric Stoller, academic adviser and web coordinator at Oregon State University. Turn to the people who can help you — campus officials, professors and even your parents. If you don't win the appeal, make a personal appeal. And consider involving your parents. Yes, they will be surprised, but once they see that you are taking responsibility, they will help you. You WILL get through this, and over time, you will see it as a gift in the future.
Harlan is right, Hanging By a Thread.
ReplyDeleteNow you should really figure out why you screwed up; that is, why you made those bad decisions.
First, the on-line courses..they're not the best are they? Especially since the high schools usually don't prepare you for that kind of responsibility.
Second, the on-campus activities.
You got caught but maybe should have realized that trap since it was your sophomore year. On the other hand, those things are advantageous: you learn things that aren't taught in class. Selection and emphasis is the key there.
Third, you have to ask yourself if you are in the right program-that is, did you have sufficient motivation to learn what your program offers? (Go to class, do the work, cut down on campus activities etc.)
When you really know why you are in program 'X" these things will not be a problem.
I'm not sure what Harlan means by involving your parents. I hope he doesn't mean going to bat for you at the university. That's a definite no-no.
BUT, he's right about facing them and owning up to the failure.
Then I'd suggest writing a personal letter to the dean (or whomever) stating your case.
Be accurate, sincere, tell him/her why you screwed up and explain specifically, concretely, how you will fix the problem. (See above for details!)
If all that fails to work, what the heck, go to the CC, get the necessary credits, make sure you know yourself well enough to select the right program and go get 'em!