Dear Harlan,
Last week, I found something I wasn't meant to see. I found out that my boyfriend of two years has been talking inappropriately to one of his female friends. I knew about them talking this way over the phone a while back, but I thought that it was over. Part of me thinks I should forget about it. I've been told that men fall into temptation once in a while. Maybe I should deal with it. I don't want to lose him, but I'm hurt. What do you think I should do?
Caught Up
Dear Caught Up,
This is completely disrespectful and wrong. Temptation is not an excuse to talk dirty and be disrespectful. Men in loving, trusting relationships control their urges. This is not about the way to deal with it. Brushing it off means you think you neither deserve to be respected nor deserve a trustworthy partner. It also means that you think being with someone who disrespects you is better than being single. That's not healthy. I'd tell him what I saw. I'd let him know that it made me uncomfortable and hurt my feelings. I'd ask him to stop. If he can't or won't, then that's a big problem. I know you don't want problems, but he needs to understand that you're not going to allow him to disrespect you — that is, unless you don't mind being disrespected.
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