I'm a Christian - well, I was a Christian. Basically, I don't believe the same things I did, and the more surprising part is, I don't want to. The problem is that my parents have no clue about this change. I don't know how to tell them, or even if I should tell them, but I feel like I'm living a lie. I feel like such a hypocrite when I go to church. I've never rebelled before or gotten into trouble. I was one of those good Christian girls. I'm afraid of what everyone will think if they find out. They would be so shocked and disappointed. What's worse is that they'd start praying for me and pitying me and looking at me like I'm ignorant and helpless. I've seen it happen before with other "backsliders." I've never done anything bad before. They've been good parents, and I owe them a lot. I don't want to hurt them or strain our relationship. Should I tell them or should I just keep pretending until I graduate and move very far away?
Backsliding
Dear Backsliding,
Who needs them to judge you? You've beaten yourself up enough for everyone. You're not a bad person for questioning your faith. It's not shameful or wrong. Questioning religion, God, why bad things happen to good people - this is good stuff. This is what a thoughtful person should do. It should be encouraged. What also should be encouraged is getting as much information as possible before deciding what you are and what you are not. Talk to your clergy and ask tough and honest questions (you won't be the first). You might be surprised to hear their answers. Then, talk to your parents. Avoid telling them you're no longer a Christian. Ask them if they've ever questioned their faith, and then raise your questions. Share your conversations that you've had with other spiritual leaders. Give yourself a couple of years to ask questions and explore these feelings. Whatever you do, do not keep this a secret or reach conclusions without first talking to the people who know you and love you the most.
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