Dear Harlan,
My 22-year-old daughter has commuted to a local college for the past four years and will graduate with honors in May. She will be continuing this summer for her masters and certification in early-elementary education. She is taking a full student loan for the $12,000 tuition. She will be working full time as a teacher's assistant while attending evening classes two to three times per week. She would like to lease or buy a car. She has had a boyfriend for the past four years and loves "things." Should we, as parents, charge her a low monthly rent on her $20,000 salary?
Mom
I say cut her a break and let her enjoy a few "things." She'll have plenty of years to swim her loans and get out of debt. But that's just me - a kid who lived at home a few years after college and appreciated the break.
ReplyDeleteThat said, it's your decision. But here's when a parent should absolutely make a kid pay rent: when the kid thinks she's entitled, does drugs, drinks too much, is unmotivated, doesn't try to find a job, makes life uncomfortable, takes advantage or if you need the money to help pay the bills.
I agree. She is graduating with honors, so her ability to take on responsibility seems to be well developed. If you are concerned she is spending too much money then perhaps you can encourage her to save or invest, or even pay some of her tuition so that her student loan grows more slowly. But as it sounds, you are allowing her to enjoy her life during school, and she is doing extremely well in her current environment. The head start you are providing her will help ensure a great start to her career.
ReplyDeleteI think you should charge her a small amount of money every month. Place the money she gives you into ka savings account and when she moves out she will have extra cash.
ReplyDeleteWhy not talk to your daughter and come up with a plan together?
ReplyDeleteIt's nice to let her splurge a little, but once she's used to spending without paying rent, it will be harder for her to live within a budget later.
I agree with Ashley that charging rent and creating a nest egg would be a loving gesture and a nice transition to independence. If she balks, you're being played and she needs the reality check that writing a rent check will provide.
When I came home from college, I needed a break, but my Dad never gave it to me. He charged me $400 a month to live in my room and this was 1993, so I left home in anger as soon as I could. I moved to new york city. 13 years later, I am finally coming back home to spend time with my family. Support your kids, don't push them away. My apartment burned down while I was in NYC and I lost everything I owned. He didn't even help me then [that was 7 years ago] I am a strong successful person, I am a vice president of an investment banking firm, with no debt. I am sure my father feels he taught me well. But the pain of not having a supportive father will always be with me. She has already proved herself, what more do you want!
ReplyDeleteMy parents charging me rent as I lived in their house after college was one of the best things they did for me. By "charging me rent", my father would put it all in a savings account that gained interest, which I recieved back once I had enough money to move out and live on my own. Having the extra money saved, I was able to live more well off than had I not have had it. It also aided me in learning that I was working to pay my rent, and it gave me another reason to get up and want to go to work. So yes, I obviously do feel that charging rent is appropriate, as long as your child recieves it back and you're not pocketing it. "Things" are fine, I did buy my own car and clothes, etc., but I also helped around the house and treated it as my apartment. I would go for it! It really is a good experience.
ReplyDeleteDear Mommy Dearest...
ReplyDeleteDon't you know a fantastic kid when you see one? Unless you're desperate for money, leave her alone & let her save up her money -she'll need it to pay off her loans, pay for her wedding, etc.
get a grip
ReplyDeleteShe should pay rent. Nothing is free and this is as good as time as any to make her realize it. So she is a good kid, so what. Enjoy!
Appreciate the break! give me a break.
Try being homeless.
Get a life.
ReplyDeleteI can't really remember the orignal concern, but I want to say this: The parents must have a bit of guilt in their desires or they wouldn't have asked. I think about how much the cost of education has increased in 20 years. One class was about 200 dollars in 1980 and around 800 today. How much has the minimum wage increased? About 70%? I think the parents consider themselves super heros and really want their daughter to be one also. If they set the stakes too high they may be very sorry for their lack of support.
ReplyDeleteMy mother's been charging me rent since my first job at 19, based on my pay. I make about $12,000 after taxes per year now and pay $400 per month. On top of that, I've completely paid off my car, help with various bills, pay my own gym/cell/internet/student loan bills, provide 100% for my pet hamster, and *still* have enough money to purchase at least one splurge item a month and put at least $25 in my Roth IRA each week. I'm also expected to help keep the house clean and go to work each day on time- barring illness- as part of the conditions for me staying in my mother's home.
ReplyDeleteWhat has all this done? It has taught me about budgeting my time and money. It has taught me that I MUST be responsible for myself. It has helped me realize the value of skills I've learned- you wouldn't believe the money I can save simply by sewing my own clothes, or reconstructing finds from my local thrift stores!
In all honesty, charging her rent might well be the best thing you could do for her.... She'll be more prepared for real life! Many of my graduate friends can't hack it on their own because their parents sheltered them too much in their transitional period between college and work. And now that they have to pay for everything I've had buy myself for years, they beg me to help them create budgets!
man, seriously. i've had to work all through college and it has SERIOUSLY impacted my grades and the ability to complete assignments. give her a break. let her use that money to have some fun whenever she gets a chance. i mean, if you guys don't need the money, then what's the point?
ReplyDeleteIt depends what she will be spending her money on if it's not rent. After four years on my own I moved back to my parents to save money to buy a condo (can't save a ton of money working for a non-profit). My parents were kind enough to acknowledge this was the first step in an investment for me and their contribution was letting me live rent free. Had I moved back in because I wasn't getting enough Caribbean vacations, that'd be another story . . .
ReplyDeleteMy parents allowed me to live at home rent-free for about 1.5 years after graduation. I didn't pay them rent, though I did help them with some household expenses. For example, I would buy some of the general household grocery items, and I also volunteered to clean the house once a week (something they had previously been paying a cleaning lady to do).
ReplyDeleteDuring this time I very rarely would spend extra money. I basically was paying large amounts ($600-$800/month) towards my student loans. Had I wasted money and started buying a bunch of material items, I am certain that my parents would have required some sort of rent.
I paid rent from the time I got my first paying job. My mom was paying rent on the house; I was a grown up living there. She took a flat 10% of my net per week. Considering my meals were thrown in and I could use the washer drier, it was a hell of a deal. She did not save it for me, she just bought some of the food I was eating or did what she wanted. I was no longer a child. I did not want to live like one or be treated like one.
ReplyDeleteAfter I graduated college, I moved back home to get on my career path. Once I got a job, and it became obvious that I couldn't afford my own place where I live, my parents and I compromised on a reasonable amount for 'rent'. I would have felt guilty not paying anything and living for free, so the fact that we were able to come up with something together was great. I help out as much as I can with the cleaning, even do some cooking and my relationship with my parents couldn't be better! With that said...maybe sit down and talk with her, get her input and see if you can come up with a small amount just to help out.
ReplyDeleteShe might be graduating with honors and she might be looking to get a car and all that stuff, but she needs a wake up call to the real world. In the real world, people don't just give you 12 grand to pay your bills and buy your "stuff." Chances are she's oblivious to how to manage her bills without that college loan, and when the time comes to pay it back, she won't be able to figure out how. By charging her rent, she will learn to manage her debts and get things in order. Obviously, it won't work if you "let her slide" if she can't afford it. And, if you hold to the agreement (if she comes home with new toy and she mysteriously can't afford rent, make sure to bring this up), she will eventually have a newfound respect for money and, more importantly, for you.
ReplyDelete