Dear Harlan,
I have been together with this guy for about two months, and we are not going out yet. He has shown me signs that he really does care about me. But, I am also a virgin, and the other night, he told me that it could be a problem in the long run (if we didn't have sex after a certain amount of time). I told him that I would not be rushed into it, and he still calls me all the time. What does this mean? Does he care? Not to mention, he is a freshman in college and is coming home next week for the summer. I just don't know if I should pursue this relationship.
Pressured
Pursue? When a guy you haven't even dated pressures you to have sex, he's more interested in getting off than getting to know you. If he wants to get to know you, then he can pursue you and get to know you and not have sex with you until you're ready. And if, after getting to know him better, you like him — or love him and trust him, and are confident he won't give you a sexual souvenir (herpes, genital warts, HIV, etc.) — then you can decide if you want to have sex with him (i.e., he can get tested, but even then, you can't be sure). To set this up under pressure from the start is only setting yourself up to lose your virginity to a guy who cares more about having sex than about you — and you deserve so much more.
ReplyDeleteI agree and I also disagree.It is true that if a guy is pressuring you into sex he wants sex but it
ReplyDeletecould also be possible that he is
trying to see how much you like
him.Often times people confuse sex with love or vise versa or just view it as a fun activity like
play.What he may feel and what you
may feel may not be the same because of diffrent backgrounds
diffrent sex experience and ect.
My personal opinion is that you
should get to know him better but
also let him know who you are as
a person.Or have you already?Think about it!
If he is pressuring you about sex and you don't want to yet, don't walk,Run! If he is that pushy about sex before you have even dated than you could be looking at a relationship with someone who is controlling, manipulative, and abusive. Trust me when I say, you don't want to go there. When it comes to sex, don't let yourself be rushed. Hold out and wait for someone you really love and who will love and respect you.
ReplyDelete