Dear Harlan,
I'm one of the nice guys out there, and the statement is true - every girl I like seems to like the nice-guy side and then turns. They stomp nice guys' faces like a bully at elementary school. It's like they couldn't give two (deleted) about our feelings, but make us feel like we're the only thing that's good in their life! I'm sick and tired of being trampled on by "b***ches." I always follow my heart - that's my Achilles' heel. I'm just so confused.
I'm one of the nice guys out there, and the statement is true - every girl I like seems to like the nice-guy side and then turns. They stomp nice guys' faces like a bully at elementary school. It's like they couldn't give two (deleted) about our feelings, but make us feel like we're the only thing that's good in their life! I'm sick and tired of being trampled on by "b***ches." I always follow my heart - that's my Achilles' heel. I'm just so confused.
Nice Guy
Nice? More like angry, resentful, bitter, scorn-filled, woman-hating man - at least when you wrote this. I'm a fellow card-carrying nice guy, and nice doesn't make us exempt from getting hurt (it's in the small print of the nice-guy membership kit). It's just that nice guys are prone to getting hurt due to their lack of training in the sport of rejection. Nice guys like you are their own worst enemies. Here's why: A nice guy offers a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold and an ear to listen. When he wants more, he rarely makes a move because he's "TOO NICE" - whatever that means. When he finally makes his feelings known, he's doomed. If he's rejected, he blames being TOO NICE. If the relationship progresses and ends (most do), he blames being TOO NICE. Get over it. Nice guys, players, shy guys - we all get dumped on. Millions of women absolutely adore nice men. Stop blaming them. It's not nice. - Harlan
ReplyDeleteNo, no, no ... you're not talking about nice guys, just insecure nice guys. They're not the same. Insecure nice guys exhibit many of those traits, the opposite traits of insecure jerks. What the secure nice guys of the world need to appreciate is that jerks have the advantage because not all women think they deserve to be treated with respect. That takes years to change. But still, some women do appreciate a secure, confident nice guy - but that guy can only find someone if he has the confidence to weed through those who think being treated with little or no respect is nice. - Harlan
ReplyDeleteHarlan, In response to the nice guys of the world: Yes, everyone experiences rejection at times, but some guys who view themselves as "nice" get much more than their share. The issue is that behaviors that nice guys perceive to be "nice" are perceived by many women under 30 as weak and indecisive. To be successful in dating and relationships, a guy must learn to be decisive and show strength without being controlling, be sensitive without being a wimp, be a little "dangerous" while keeping her feeling safe, be reliable without being too predictable and move to the next level of physical intimacy at the appropriate moment. Guys who err on the side of being too sensitive and too predictable are too often told "I like you as a friend" and left alone. If you could write a book directed to "nice guys" to help them learn the social dating skills I've described above, it would really be a public service.
ReplyDelete- What a Girl Wants
Harlan,
ReplyDeleteGirls may like nice guys, but they don't like door mats. And the line is often close. The difference is two letters--N-O. Nice guys who don't say no, get walked on, even by well-meaning girls who would never think of their own behavior as cruel.
Mr. Nice Guy, try working the word "no" into the first conversation you have with a new girl. Say it soon, say it often. Even if "no" is said in response to something trivial, it helps. You may be shocked how much it improves your odds of success.
first things first@ harlan thought u were here to help people ,not smack em into the ground even more!!the first thing anyone doesn't give a shit says is get over it!some help you are!... Mr nice guy bein the same as u only 32years old and have just been kicked in the teeth an betrayed yet again this time in a four year relationship.the only thing i can say is yes it does happen bein rejected can happen at the begining or any time during! my only advice to help with gettin the girl u want is don't try so hard to show the nice guy in you let her find that out in time try an hide it a little an don't be too keen to give all straight away hope this helps
ReplyDeletebabe where have you been all my life? i have been out with the biggest cunts going, no guy has treated with me with respect and i wish i could met you. dont worry about these childish little girls they are dum if they cant see that they have a great guy they could hold onto good luck hope u find the one
ReplyDeleteHow can you all say these things? stuff happens for a reason and at times it may be hard to admit it but sometimes we can be to blame for the things that happen to us....people deal with things in different ways and that includes life. there aren't only nice guys out there but nice girls as well... don't follow daft rules but find your own way and somebody will appreciate you for who you are...
ReplyDeleteAll I have to say is that if you are nice you are screwed.
ReplyDeletefirst things first.not all girls walk over nice guys,theres some bitches in this world and its not fair that all girls get placed in the bitch category when i guy gets his heart broken!I do have to say so myself that i am a nice girl and i have been told that by every guy iv'e been with!when i get my heart broken i dont place all guys in the category as assholes just the one who broke my heart and guys should do the same as well!i agree with harlan when he says that nice guys are prone to getting hurt due to their lack of training in the sport of rejection!so all i have to say is train yourself to expect the worst even if she seems to be the sweetest girl in the world!
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you feel. But not every girl breaks your heart to be mean. Yes, there are people out there that like to see someone kind in pain. But not everyone. And if you were kind to her and gave her everything you could than shes simply not worth it. you may not believe me now but dont waste time resenting the past and hating her. Because you will never get that wasted time back. Thats time you could spend with your friends, or with a new lover, anything. But no one is worth wasting your time hating. Yes it hurts...oh god does it hurt. But dont hate her. The only thing you are capable of getting rid of or changing is the pain. I am only 16 years old. And you may not not take my advice seriously but you need it. Because i almost ended my life because the girl i loved more than anything left me. And seeing someone go through the same thing i did breaks my heart.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I hear about nice guys all the time. Know what? I'm a good woman. Do "nice guys" want to date me? No, they'd rather date a woman whose hotness factor is high.
ReplyDeleteA "nice guy" thinks he should be loved for his personality (regardless of looks) but doesn't extend the courtesy of loving a woman for HER personality. It's all about her looks and his "niceness".
I know a lot of "nice guys", who apparently think being nice is all they have to do to get laid. And then get upset when it doesn't happen.
I found a good man who loves me for my inner qualities, and that means far more than "niceness".
Yeah I can relate. I'm a nice kind girl AND I'm good looking (I'm in the HOT model category). And you know what?? Because I was too nice a lot guys took advantage of my niceness. Guys lose interest in me because I'm too nice. To get any respect I have to walk out on the guy and dump him. That straightens them out, they come begging for forgiveness, they win me back until they become jerks again. And then I dump them again for being jerks. I don't go back after a second time. Yeah there are a lot of women AND men that mistreat the opposite sex. Why? Because they figure that if someone is being nice they can take advantage. Those jerks out there (women & men) are usually very manipulative and succeed at convincing their victims that they are true and loving. these same jerks then MOCK their victims. Being nice takes courage and moral standards and maturity. Obviously there are fewer nice people out there than jerks. I understand your frustration 100%
ReplyDeleteMaybe a solution could be that you need to date a more mature woman. Are you going for nice girls? Or jerk girls? I'm a nice girl and I get rid of jerk guys fast. I've searched and searched for nice guys but they are rare. Jerks are found in both genders. Never forget that.
ReplyDeleteOk it's back to, what kind of a nice guy are you? A guy who just thinks he's nice, a guy who puts on a facade of nice, a guy who lives the image of nice with an innate fakeness, a door mat, someone who agrees to everything in order to be nice while resentment builds? Being nice, means treating a person with respect, not cheating on them, being honest about where you stand in the relationship, and treating people with the kindness that we all deserve as human beings.
ReplyDeletei married a nice guy. a truly honestly nice guy who didnt label himself and have expectations about being a nice guy.
ask your formers why they broke up with you. or maybe you're just asking the wrong women, were they strangers you just asked out? no one has much luck with that, it's not just you.
Everyone gets rejected. Beautiful girls, handsome men, ugly girls, ugly men: THEY ALL GET REJECTED SOMETIMES. And yes, mean people, nice people...it doesn't matter. It's just about who you're compatible with, who you belong with. I would say suck it up, don't change your personality for anyone, and just realize it happens to everyone. Seriously. Open your eyes and look around; you aren't the only one.
ReplyDeletei guess you could say i am also one of these so called 'nice-guys.' i think why girls dont like 'nice-guys' isnt because theyre nice or anything, theyre just too needy (which is something i will admit i have wrong and ive almost gotten rid of that part).
ReplyDeletethe nice guys expect if they give a shoulder to cry on, ear to listen to problems, or anything of the such, they should get the same thing in return (karma?) which if they always expect that, they become needy.
i believe what girls mean by they want a 'nice guy' they mean a gentleman, probably because there are so few of these out there nowadays. they just want someone who will listen, talk, be courteous, but all at the same time showing respect towards the lady's needs.
Thats just what i believe though.
Aaron.
I get sick of hearing "everyone gets rejected" so get over it .
ReplyDeleteThats BULLS!!!T . Everyone DOESNT get rejected. I want 1 of those girls who love me and will love me for life . Some people have girls like that while dudes like me fall in love with a girl who claims she loves me back ..but then tells me it was all a game. 5 years later ..she's having a second child with a man who is a loser .
nice guys do exist and nice guys can be in great relationships.
ReplyDeletejust because some women are happy to use a nice guy and then throw him to the curb, doesn't mean that all women are like that.
my guy would be classified as a 'nice guy' but that hasn't stopped us having a fantastic equal relationship for the past 6 years.
maybe you just need to look for a nice girl instead of dwelling in the heartbreaks of your past
Nice guys are great. I am female, 27, sexy and sweet believe it or not lol (Yes, i'm modest I know...but really funny too ;) I had a realization this morning which I think all nice guys need to hear about! If you find yourself asking the question why is it that women choose the asshole over the nice guy? Well HERE IS THE ANSWER: It's really quite simple. Most women are flawed. (myself included) If we were totally mature, 100% self-confident, and always self-accepting of ourselves to include body image, financial status etc, we would be able to fully love and appreciate a great man. IF you notice us flok (I don't even know how to spell that work, sorry) to the asshole, it's simply because we just aren't there yet. A lot of women would never admit to what I'm saying. They wouldn't want to be judged or labled as that stereotypical, insecure girl with deep-rooted issues. Up until today I was that girl. Think about it logically for a minute if you're still not sold on what I'm saying (especially if there are any women reading this) Does it make sense for someone to date a selfish, manipulative asshole? Absolutely not. There is NO LOGIC to that what-so-ever. Nice men should never ever ever ever EVER question what they are doing wrong and never for a second blame themselves or be envious of the charming, manipulative ladies man. Sure, you can play the game if you want to land the girl but at the end of the day wouldn't you much rather be yourself and be loved and appreciated for the wonderful person you are? Yes I know, you may have to stay single unitl you find that person, but it just might be worth the wait.
ReplyDeleteSincerely,
Carebear