Dear Harlan,
My ex-boyfriend and I were together for almost a year before he decided he was going to go live with his dad, 14 hours away. Eight months later I couldn't take it anymore and ended it. Since then I have found someone else who treats me better. My ex was addicted to marijuana, and when he was stoned, he was abusive toward me. Otherwise, he just yelled and was abusive that way. He won't stop calling me, no matter where I am; he even went so far as calling my new boyfriend's house to find me. He's moving back in a month and is threatening me. I don't know how to make him stop.
Won't Stop Calling
He can't handle the fact that he can't control you any longer. So now, he'll do whatever it takes to control you. It's not love - it's about control and his lack thereof. Simply acknowledging him gives him some sense of accomplishment - so don't. Tell him one last time that if he cares about you (as he says), he will listen to you and not contact you. If you've already done this, say no more. If he keeps calling, change your number, change your e-mail address; tell your friends and family what is happening and to watch out for you. No, it's not fair that he's doing this, but he's not reasonable. If he doesn't stop, go to the police. Eventually, he will find someone else to date (i.e., control, abuse and harass). He needs serious help, and you're not the one to offer that help. Be safe. Stay away from him - far away. - Harlan
ReplyDeletehello stop calling..
ReplyDeletei totally agree with the advice harlan just gave you but a little tip is if you dont want him to keep calling you and you think its uncomfortable say it to his face or if that doesn't work.. deffinetely go to the police soo you wont feel unsafe.
thank you for readding my advice biotch
peaceout
Yes to Harlan's Advice, NO, NO, NO! to the person who suggested a face to face meeting with the stalker. Once you tell someone not to contact you again and they do not respect your wishes, it is stalking. Be very careful and avoid this Dangerous person. Victims of stalkers can usually go to the police for advice even if they don't file charges. In big cities the Domestic Violence Unit should help with tips to stay safe. In a smaller city you might just have to ask whoever is available. Do not give up until someone helps you!
ReplyDeleteAlso, If you have a job make sure the office won't take his calls. School security can also told to look out for you.
Libraries and bookstores should have books and videos on personal safety. It would probably be good to research this Crime and learn all the options.
Make sure that when he does try and contact you to tell him to stop calling/writing/etc. Not only to convey the message, but also from a legal standpoint. And while it may seem paranoid, you may want to keep a log, save messages, in case it does get out of hand.
ReplyDeleteI hope it doesn't and best of luck.
Go to 'www.antistalking.com'
ReplyDeleteIgnoring him is not going to make it better. He is exhibiting aggressive and threatening behavior and it needs to be brought to the attention of the police. Keep a journal of every contact, write down the names of every person who speaks to him when he calls, write down anything you can remember from your conversations, always make note of the time, the date, where you were, who you were with, and save every voice message, and print every e-mail. Proving a stalking case requires evidence just like any other criminal case. The more evidence you can give to the DA, the better chance he/she will have of a conviction. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteAn Assistant District Attorney.
get a restraining order.you don't need that loser in your life!
ReplyDeleteas a former Domestic Violence advocate, I want to point out a few things... first of all, his drug use did not cause him to abuse you. Many abusers use it as an excuse. His past physical abuse suggests that could very well pose a physical threat to you in the future. Call the national domestic violence hotline 1-800-799-7233 and talk to them about the past abuse, and the current stalking. Ask them to help you make a saftey plan- which can be as easy as checking in with a friend at certain times, ask about the process for getting a protection order in your state and follow the DA's advice on journaling the contacts. Also, if he is emailing you or IMing you comments that make you scared (not just threats) print them out and keep them (make sure they are dated)
ReplyDeleteBut please don't try to think of all this on your own, get help from a dv agency or a police agency.
What does your current bo think of this pot smoking abusive hippie? Personally if some little puck like that tried to call my house for my girlfriend I would make sure he knows not to bother my girl again. But here is the big question, is your new boyfriend tougher or bigger than your ex? More than likely he is since your current does not need to beat on you to feel supperior. I'm not saying go tell your boyfriend to go out and fight your ex. But what has your current boyfriend done about this? I know my girlfriend is my world and I would risk my entire being to see her safe and happy.
ReplyDelete