Suspicious Girlfriend Only Thinks Relationship Is Strong

Dear Harlan,

Right now, I have a very strong relationship with my boyfriend, but the thing is, he has cheated on me in the past. Also, he has a child with the person he cheated on me with (not a product of the cheating — this was before he met me). I just don't know what to do about him. I want to stay with him for a very long time, preferably as a girlfriend and not just his friend. I've talked to him about it, but he sort of brushes it off. (I think the subject makes him nervous.) What should I do? Also, about the issue of cheating: I know you do not know him, but I'm a little worried that my leaving for school in the fall will give him the perfect opportunity to go back to his ex.

Suspicious

Dear Suspicious,

Correction: You think you have a strong relationship — people in strong relationships don't worry about their significant others cheating. Note to yourself: Cheating doesn't equal a strong relationship. I'll be brutally honest with you — leaving town will not encourage him to cheat more. He already has enough encouragement. He knows that if he cheats, you'll just take him back. What's the incentive to be faithful? If you don't trust him, there's no way this will work. Instead of putting more energy into this relationship, I'd figure out why you think this is the best you can do. You're cheating yourself out of a relationship with someone you can trust and who will respect you.