Dear Harlan,
I am in a bad place. I recently found out my parents have been spending too much of their money on my brother and me. They bought us both cars and paid for gas and insurance until a year ago. I insisted they let me start paying for it because I was beginning to realize we had money problems. I am 21 and will graduate college in December. My parents also paid for tuition, room and board, and for me to study abroad. I had no idea these probably were all things they should not have funded. With the downturn of the economy, my dad is making much less money than he used to. He ended up making a job change that was a bad decision. He hates his new job and is making half of what he used to. My mom also works. My dad is so depressed that he will not talk to my mom or me. I haven't been taught much about money and especially not about our financial situation. I feel so guilty for living such luxurious college years when they need the money now. They have done everything for my brother and me. I don't know what to do. I am looking for a second job because my current one is not giving me enough hours. I just feel so horrible and want to help out. When I get a second job, should I start giving them some money? I plan to pay them back in full for what they've spent on my car and college education, but I won't be able to do that for a while. I am thinking about taking out a student loan to pay them for my study abroad and pay it back on top of the loans I'll take out for graduate school. I start applying to schools in the fall and am not sure how much my future debt will be yet, but as of now I am debt-free. How should I treat them in this sensitive state? I saw my dad cry at dinner as they were telling me we have no money. It was so painful. Please write me back. Thank you.
Worried About Parents
Dear Worried,
You might not have financial debt, but you sure have a lot of emotional debt. You seem to think you owe your parents something. Of course, no one wants to see their parents scared and upset, but you've done nothing wrong. This is not your fault. You are NOT responsible. The most powerful thing you can do is let your parents know that their love, support and generosity have been so appreciated. And while a car, laptop and other stuff might be perks, their love and happiness matter most to you. Ask what you can do to help. You can offer to pay them back or help out, but your success and happiness might be payment enough. As for the future, countless students go to college with little or no money, millions work through college and millions more get student loans (a college loan is considered "good" debt). Investigate a graduate program where you can earn a stipend while earning a degree. Some programs actually pay students or waive tuition for students who teach or conduct research. If these feelings don't dissipate, consider getting professional help and suggest that your mom recommend that your dad get some help. The best way you can help is to love your parents, offer help and take care of yourself — taking care of yourself is the greatest gift of all.
No comments:
Post a Comment