Monday, June 1, 2009

Classroom Crush

Dear Harlan,

This semester, I fell for a girl in my class. We are members of the same team that works on a project. For a while I debated whether I should ask her out. Throughout the course of several weeks during meetings, I believed us to be casually flirting — nothing serious but enough to where I was very interested and I thought she expressed some interest. After a meeting one day, I asked her if she would like to see a movie. She replied saying she was busy all weekend and didn't think she had the time. While I believe this is typical girl lingo for "I'm not interested," is there any chance? Now at team meetings things are a bit awkward; we no longer talk and she never looks me in the eye. Does she feel bad about saying no, or does she really despise me now? Did I make a huge mistake? I really would like things to be normal again. I want to be friends. I always seem to push things too quickly with girls. Did this happen again and have I totally destroyed what we had? Is it possible to just be friends?

Quick to Act

Dear Quick to Act,

Listen man, she might be dating someone, getting over someone, not looking to date someone, or someone who is a lesbian. You did two things wrong — you didn't give her permission to reject you, and you seemed to lose sight of the fact that you live in a world of options. The more comfortable you can be with all women NOT sharing your feelings, the better the chances that more women will share your feelings in the future. The more comfortable you can be with her NOT wanting you, the easier it is to clear up any confusion without fearing the worst. If you feel the friendship is strained, tell her you never intended to make her uncomfortable and thought it would be fun to get together outside of class. Then she'll either chill out, tune you out or hang out. But you have to be cool being friends and know that you live in a world of options to be her friend and not have her feel like you're passing time until she wants you.

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