Dear Harlan,
Why does the boy I'm seeing never show any emotion whatsoever? Seriously, he hasn't said one relationship-related thing to me and always leaves me hanging. I can't seem to get him to open up.
Closed Off
Dear Closed Off,
One idea is to dump him. If he cries or starts throwing things, you'll see that emotion. A less dramatic approach is to recognize that some guys don't know how to express themselves to women or aren't comfortable expressing themselves. Some are afraid; some don't have examples to go by; some don't realize that they're being non-expressive. Pick a time when things are calm and comfortable (not during a fight). Mention that you're unsure of his feelings. If he's been expressing his feelings, you missed it. He might think physical intimacy is expression enough. As his girlfriend, explain why you need something more from him. You don't need a lot, just enough to make it safe for you to be expressive to him. If he can't give you something, that's a problem. Bottom line: If you want an intimate relationship with him, he needs to either express himself with words or make an attempt to open up.
Dear Closed Off,
ReplyDeleteI was having a very similar situation this week with my boyfriend. I tried giving him space to miss me, and eventually took what Harlan said: tried to talk about it. If your guy is committed to you, he will listen and try to respect how you are feeling. My boyfriend and I broke up because he did NOT respect my feelings, but if that happens to you, then you'll know what kind of person he was and that you deserve someone better.