I often want to talk to professors about intellectual ideas, but I find myself clamming up and feeling extremely vulnerable when I go to talk to that person. I'm OK in class and in a lot of social situations, but then I go to talk to a professor, and it seems like I'm hypervigilant and looking for any sign that the person doesn't really want to hear my question and discuss it. I wind up leaving professors' offices without asking the questions that are really on my mind. So I retreat to sending e-mails instead. I know e-mails aren't as good as, or as satisfying as, face-to-face conversations, so I try to do the face-to-face thing, but then I clam up. It feels so stupid - all I'm doing is talking about intellectual things, not personal stuff. Yet it feels like I'm talking about personal stuff in the way that I feel like I'm taking a risk in opening myself up to the other person intellectually. It's really making it hard for me to get the mentoring I need in graduate school. I love what I'm doing in graduate school, but I really could use some mentoring to help keep me moving toward my goals.
Need Help
Dear Need Help,
Unless you get the dumb things out, the smart stuff won't be able to get out either. See, it's like your intellectual plumbing gets clogged. If students knew everything, there would be no need for professors. And it's the students who know the least who are the most valuable for professors, so talk to them. If your professor makes you feel like you're stupid, tell your professor that the way he or she responded made you uncomfortable. Then tell him or her how you get intimidated when approaching but you want to have a good relationship. Once your fear is out in the open, you'll be able to talk freely. If you find that your professor is a totally insensitive SOB, find another student or someone else in the department to help.
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