Dear Harlan,
Do you think it's proper for a couple to go ring shopping together before a guy proposes, so that he as idea of what the girl likes? We haven't gotten engaged yet, but I wasn't sure how a guy feels about the shopping part of getting a ring.
Not Quite Engaged
Dear Not Quite Engaged,
I'd say it wouldn't be appropriate to go shopping for an engagement ring on a first date. Once you know where this thing is going, it's entirely proper. If you do go shopping, expect him to be overwhelmed. It might have nothing to do with being freaked out about marrying you. We don't know about the 4 C's of diamond shopping (cut, clarity, color and carat weight). We don't know the difference between antique settings, contemporary settings or classic settings. Side stones, white-gold or platinum rings — these are not familiar to us. Then there's the wedding band to go with the ring. Of course, it has to match the engagement ring (we didn't know). Then there's the price of the ring. Sticker shock! We need some help and we need you to be patient. Some things to keep in mind when shopping with your man: Make sure he knows that size doesn't matter. Smaller diamonds can be brilliant. Saving money for things like a down payment on a house or a car also can be brilliant. Don't just try on the most expensive rings (fun for you, not fun for a guy on a budget). Avoid talking about your friend's rings (he doesn't care). Don't get set in your settings. Give him some flexibility so he can have a little control (or the illusion of control). And never force him to go shopping. Not cool. You can always pull pictures from a magazine and put it in a place where he can easily find it when he's ready to shop for a ring and pop the question.
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