Major Problem

Dear Harlan,

I've never known what I really wanted to major in at college. I've suggested things, but once I suggest them, my parents latch on to the ideas and make anything else I suggest sound stupid. I think it's because of the money I could possibly make in my current major. (I recently wanted to be a psychologist or a pharmacist.) Once I actually got to school and started taking the courses, I realized that I HATED the thing that I was going to have to do for the rest of my life. I mentioned this to my parents, and that I wanted to change majors and become a history major. I told my grandma, and she got angry and hung up on me. My dad was so upset that he had to excuse himself off the phone. I know it's my life and my education, but I should be able to choose what I want to do without feeling like this (especially since I'm paying most of everything myself). I want to change my major, but I also don't want my parents to hate me or be disappointed in me. Since the phone calls, I've been really depressed and cry a lot because I know they're disappointed and angry. Help!

Major Problem

Dear Major Problem,

Instead of your parents (and grandma) saying what they feel, they just stomp their feet and give you the silent treatment. When a parent (or a grandparent) acts like an immature child, the kid has to act like the mature adult.

They think you're making a decision that is going to ruin your life. Maybe, if they knew what a history major could do with a history degree, they could see that you're not doomed. Educate your parents and map out the career path you can pursue and the jobs available. But first, educate yourself by finding a professor or adviser who can guide you and speak to your families' insecurities. Once their tantrums subside, ask them to explain to you why they're so upset. Then explain why this change is the best decision for you and include the career paths of previous history grads. If they still can't support you, lean on your professors, advisers and fellow students along the way. It might take seven years and a law degree for your family to support you, but until then, you have to do what YOU want to do. Being miserable to make them happy would be miserable.