Dear Harlan,
I am in my 30s and married. I have a manager who is 11 years younger than me and also married. He is very charming and nice to everyone. In the beginning of my employment, this was fine. However, at some point, we developed a relationship that bordered on flirting. It made me nervous. I stopped asking him work questions unless I absolutely had to. Then I felt bad because he's looked sad when I did have to talk to him. I then started talking more to him again, and felt this connection again. So I stopped again. Then, I put a picture of my husband up on my desk. Right away, I notice when I had to talk to him, he looked really sad. A few weeks later, he started paying a lot of attention to another girl. I am just sick of worrying about this. I am tired of the games. How do I get rid of the crush I have on him? I feel sometimes that he is the guy I should really be with. How do I get myself to believe that it's not true, or if it is, how do I find out?
Conflicted
Dear Conflicted,
Having someone flirt with you and you liking it doesn't mean your marriage is doomed or that you should feel conflicted. It means that you need to do some work on yourself and your marriage. Get over him by working to make your marriage better than ever. Get over him by understanding that lots of men will show beautiful women like you attention. Get over him by recognizing that you can like the attention and still be committed to your husband. If you're still conflicted after working on these issues, then there might be a bigger problem. Whatever you do, NEVER turn to the guy at work for answers. He's only going to bring up more questions.
You’ve heard people described as “ such a flirt;” and you, too, want to be able to harness that skill. Flirting is fun because it not only fulfills some of your instinctual needs to interact with others, but it also demonstrates to others your degree of interest in them. Likewise, the response to your flirtation indicates the degree of interest in you.
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