The Transfer Process Can Be Painful, Just Ask Her New New Friends

Dear Harlan,

I have plans to transfer to Northern Michigan University next year and have already started the process. I don't like the college I am currently attending and have already told my friends about my transfer. They all are having problems with their relationships and end up adding the fact that I won't be here next year as one more of their problems. How do I deal with this kind of guilt? I love the few friends I have here, but I can't drown in their problems. I have always been there for them, and it's hard enough for me to leave, but I know I'll be happier once I leave this college. I just need to know how to help myself without hurting my closest friends. Any advice would be great.

Helping Without Hurting

Dear Hurting,

I'll make you a deal: Tell your friends about my column and have them write to me. I'll do my best to get back to them. Then you can focus on taking care of yourself and doing what you need to do to be healthy. In the meantime, give them permission to be sad and miss you while you take care of yourself. Between Facebook, Twitter, cell phones, chatting and visits, you can remain close. While I'm sure they will miss you, the problem might not be you transferring as much as it's having friends who love to talk about their problems. If anything, they should thank you. You transferring has given them a new problem. And that's about the most generous thing you could do for people who love problems.