Virgin Wrestles With Sexual Urges

Dear Harlan,

I am 17, and I just started attending college. I am proud to say that I made it through high school and stayed a virgin. I know plenty about contraceptives, mistakes, love partners, feelings and all that. It's just that the urges I used to get back then are very much stronger now, and I feel like I am ready to have sex now more than ever. I cannot stop thinking about it - at all! I am waiting for that special someone, but I just want something more, I guess, to satisfy me, yet I want to stay a virgin until the right time. Help me out.

Impatient Virgin

Dear Impatient Virgin,
The truth - it's easier to have sex in college than to not have sex. There will always be someone who's drunk enough, desperate enough or lonely enough to be with you. As for the right time, that has to be your call. Keeping the following in mind,you can still be creative sexually with yourself or a partner and hang onto your virginity. Here's when NOT to let let it go.

- When it's with someone who doesn't doesn't respect you.

- When you can't talk to your partner about anything on your mind before sex, during sex or after sex.

- While you or your partner is drunk or high.

- When sex is about getting someone to like you.

- When you can't discuss a partner's sexual history.

- When you don't know the person's first and last name

- When you can't ask your partner to get tested for HIV, chlamydia and other sexual souvenirs.

- When you don't think the sex will be available tomorrow, so you have it today while it's available.

- When you have sex because your friends are having sex, and you don't want to be the only virgin.
- When you don't have birth control - assuming you don't want to make a baby (even condoms aren't 100 percent effective against birth control and STDs).

- Under ANY kind of pressure.