Dear Harlan,
I think I've made a mistake with my roommate. Near the end of the semester, a guy I was seeing spent four nights in two weeks at our place. I now look back on that decision and regret it. When I came back this week from break, she was gone. She never mentioned a word to me, and all I found on my bed was the contract with the two rules against having overnight guests underlined. Before this, I attempted to call her to apologize and sent numerous text messages, but never received a response. The move just caught me a bit off guard because she has had several friends spend the night when they were drunk. She left the room a mess, and I had to clean it up. Should I dwell on the fact that she moved, or let it go?
Dear A Bit Hurt,
Fast-forward 10 years — your roommate is married and fighting with her spouse. Instead of talking it over, she packs her bags, pulls out the wedding vows, underlines the part about honoring her and splits. Roommate contracts are more of a framework for dialogue. The key word is "dialogue" (silence isn't dialogue, unless you're a mime). Clearly, she had problems with you, and you had problems with her. The problem was that neither of you discussed the problems. You're both at fault. At least you apologized. Next time, discuss issues that can be uncomfortable before they get uncomfortable. If you make it a rule to get comfortable with the uncomfortable, possible confrontations can be friendly conversations.
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