Talking to Ex Doesn't Help

Dear Harlan,

My ex and I broke up almost two years ago. We dated for two years and he was my first love. We still talk every day, even though he cheated on me with my best friend (he is still with her after two years). He tells me how much he loves me and how miserable he is with her. I moved to another state to get away from him, but I don't have the determination to stay away. I still love him, but it's been two years and it's getting a little old. It affects my life at school and my relationships now. How do I cut him out of my life?

Stuck

Dear Stuck,

First, call this what it is — emotional abuse. He cheated on you and he's sleeping with your best friend. And then you sit there on the phone and listen to him complain about her. And then he tells you how much he loves you. And then he goes to bed with her again (that's just cruel). I'll make it simple — get help. You need it. If you can't cut him out, surround yourself with people who will help you to see that he is abusive and that you can live without him. He's controlling you, manipulating you and he's eating up all your time and energy. When you need to make a change but feel powerless to take action to make the change, that's when you need help. Find a therapist and a support group for survivors of abuse. Find someone other than him who can be there for you. Because when you set limits, he's going to call and call and call. When you feel the urge to pick up the phone, you need to have someone else to call to remind you that picking up that phone is allowing him to emotionally smack you around. Do the work and you'll see that you live in a world of options. He might be your first love, but he's the last person you should have in your life. Stay away.