Dear Harlan,
I'm a 19-year-old, intelligent, opinionated, independent, easygoing, single female. Either I choose the wrong men, don't know where to look for them or both. It seems that every guy I am interested in is not looking for a serious relationship like I am, but rather someone to fool around with. I've been told by a few male friends that I'm intimidating, and I'm guessing it is because I'm not afraid to speak my mind. I'm just tired of the mind games. I want a mature, nice guy, and they are nowhere to be found. Please help!
Looking For More
Dear Looking for More,
Here's the truth — it's harder to be a women who demands respect, because there are plenty of women who won't demand respect. I think a lot of guys get used to women who demand so little. So, when a woman has standards, it can be intimidating (especially an attractive one). The answer isn't to lower your standards. It's to maintain them. I'll never forget this one guy talking with me about his first date. He said, "I really like her, but she slept with me, and I just can't date a girl like that." I know, he slept with her too, but I thought it was intriguing. A guy who knows who he is and what he wants will rise to the level expected. Since lowering your standards isn't an option, get comfortable with the reality that you're going to have to date a lot of guys. You are going to have to work harder to get what you want. And being an attractive and intimidating woman means that you are going to scare some guys away. There are mature nice guys out there. Many of them are busy working, studying and avoiding the games. A lot of them would love to be approached by you.
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