Dear Harlan,
The letter from "Next2Nothing" touched a nerve for me. As a victim of RBS (Rejection By Silence), I feel that it's important to emphasize that silence is the most hurtful way to reject someone. When I was 16, a boy who was completely enamored with me approached me. We talked every day and would spend time together whenever we could. I really believed he liked me, but when he started to push my limits (sex-wise) and I didn't comply, he turned completely weird. After three months of happiness, he cut me off completely with no warning at all. If he had been straight with me from the beginning, I could have saved myself a lot of pain and confusion. People who do this need to know that when they decide to break up and don't explain why, they only prolong the other person's pain.
Resentful
Dear Resentful,
The people doing this do not have all the power. Those who use RBS are the insecure and weak ones. For example, had you been able to accept that some guys use rejection by silence NOT because you're unattractive or undesirable, but because they are too weak and insecure to share their feelings, this would have changed everything. Just because a guy uses RBS doesn't mean a girl must remain silent. There's nothing wrong with approaching a guy and saying, "Why did you reject me?" The problem is that most people who are rejected by silence are afraid to hear the truth. My point — instead of giving the rejectors all the power, survivors of RBS can take back the power and make some noise.
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