Dear Harlan,
I have a question about implants. I know most guys don't like them and prefer the real thing -- but what if the real thing is really small? I'm almost 20 and only a 32 AA! I have a really cute and slender build, except for my extremely flat chest, which I hate. Is it a bad idea to get implants?
Small-Chested
Before running to pump up your chest with your new inflatables so that you can be ogled lustily, I mean noticed by more guys, whose attention will help you become more confident, think about the perks associated with having smaller breasts. For example, small-breasted women have an easier time differentiating between men who like them for their personalities and men who like their "other" personalities. Small-breasted women tend to get more eye contact when engaged in conversation with men. Small-breasted women don't have to worry as much about sagging later in life (less to sag). And small-breasted women don't need to worry about possible complications from breast-enlargement surgery or having implants -- a foreign substance -- in their bodies. The problem isn't the way men see you (some men prefer women like you). The problem is the way you see yourself.
ReplyDeleteIf you're unsure about elective surgery, invest in yourself before investing in breasts. Take half the implant money and get a new wardrobe (padded bras if you must). Enroll at a great gym and see a personal trainer. Invest in an online dating service. Get involved in volunteer work and meet new people. Get a cool internship or job that feeds your soul. Do things that don't require surgery and that can help you to feel better about yourself. Then, if you still want implants, you can do it with confidence. - Harlan
I'm a 33-year-old mom and a breastfeeding counselor who regularly speaks with women who had no idea when they got breast implants that the implant surgery could possibly interfere with their ability to use their breasts for what breasts are really intended -- feeding babies. For most 20-year-olds, that's the last thing on their minds. But one day, you meet the guy of your dreams, you get hooked up, you get knocked up, you've got a kid -- and the kid's gotta eat. Giving your kid the food that comes from your body is the best thing around, for the kid and for the mom. When you have breast-reduction or -augmentation surgery, it can seriously impact your ability to breastfeed. Another thing to keep in mind: Breasts GROW during pregnancy and during breastfeeding. Case in point -- a close personal friend wore a 32AA and then had twins. She's now a 34C. I went from 32A to 34B, easily. We both got married -- despite the "handicap" of having small breasts -- but we both had big brains. I hope you are able to pass this message on to young women considering surgery to alter their breasts! (And the best thing we can do as mothers is to teach our sons that breasts are for feeding babies, not for filling out sweaters!) - Betty in Washington
ReplyDeleteJust to review -- women get hooked up, knocked up, and then their breasts grow. On occasion, implants can interfere with breastfeeding. And moms need to teach their boys: breasts are for feeding babies, not filling out sweaters. All great points worth reviewing. As for the risk factors associated with breast implants, the FDA has a brochure that highlights such risks. It's available online at: www.fda.gov/cdrh/breastimplants.
ReplyDelete- Harlan
I've never really had to worry about bra straps digging into my shoulders, but I have had to deal with heavy plastic grocery bags digging into my fingers and straining my back while carrying them from the car to the refrigerator. I can only imagine your discomfort.
ReplyDelete- Harlan
Big breasts are heavy. Your bra straps dig into your shoulders. Your breasts sag and get stretch marks, and having large breasts makes it hard to exercise, dance or do anything really active. The best sports bra can't minimize all the "jiggle" -- even dashing up a flight of stairs can hurt. And the bras you do wear are ugly. Pretty, lacy ones are expensive and hard to find, and they often have skinny little straps that dig into your shoulders. Same with bikinis. Blouses often have to be tailored because the space between buttons can gap. Big breasts make you look heavier. Finally, big breasts give you a lot more area to cover when you're doing your monthly breast self-exam, and sometimes you worry there are lumps too deep in there for you to feel. Big breasts are beautiful, and I love mine, but so are small breasts. - A.S. in Texas
ReplyDeletehey me being a guy personaly yea its cool but i wouldnt even do it. its a waste of money, and like some others have said you want a relationship to last let them find out who you are as a person first any thing other than that wont last..
ReplyDeleteEl Ninon ( Anne De Lencos ) the most famous 18th century courtesan of France was once asked by one of her "students," how large should a womans breast be to attract a lover"? her answer... " large enough to fill the hand of an honest man" i think that anecdote needs to be remembered now and then. :) rick
ReplyDeleteAs a teenager and young woman I must admit that I wished for larger breasts. However since, in addition to having small breasts, I wore glasses – I could be certain that when I had a date it was for my personality, not my “cheerleader” good looks. I married the love of my life who told me he liked my breasts just the way they were – and I chose to believe him. Now, here’s the bonus – now that I am older all my friends envy me. Why? Because I can wear those little lined tank tops and not look ridiculous and I don’t have permanent ridges in my shoulders from the weight of 50 years of big breasts.
ReplyDelete“The Voice of Experience”
I too have small breasts B-36 to be exact and for months all I saw on T.V. were women with my body type and large breasts and I thought to myself, how is that possible?!! I'm a petite woman, 5" and 110 lbs, I have a J-Lo ass and many men find me attractive. But the breast thing was never an issue until recently. I was fed up with the pressure the media has portrayed of how women should look. Until I had a few conversations with men and the whole fantasy issues. But in real life, men want real women, with a real body and a real job and a real sense of humor who can accept him for his flaws and he will accept you for yours. I truly feel that petit women should start taking a stand and show the media and these porn stars that we are sexy too, just because we refuse to have plastic surgery to try and make ourselves look "HOTTER"?. We feel sexy and confident just the way we are and no plastic Barbie doll should make us feel insecure. If all the woman in the world had the money to get plastic surgery, anyone could look like a porn star. So ladies, put a smile on your face and show the world that your NATURALLY Beautiful and you don't need to go with the latest fad to feel confident. Your man will forever look at other women (eye candy) but its up to you to put your jealousy away and start appreciating men for their beauty also, it works both ways, unfortunately women have been sex objects for decades, lets start showing that women are human and we look too. Stop being so subtle about.- R form Canada
ReplyDeleteSpeaking as a small-breasted girl, being small-busted is fraught with hypocrisy. There is a big difference between reality and fantasy, and unfortunately, porn has helped to blur the line between the two - so much so that guys might go out with a smaller-breasted chick, but they really want a girl with large breasts. And who the hell wants to be a man's second choice? It is hard for a woman who is an A cup or less to see her boyfriend stare at girls with implants and huge breasts, while all the time assuring her that to him, breast size doesn't matter, when obviously it does! Small-breasted women only have small breasts, NOT small IQs. And yes, in a perfect world we would all like ourselves for what we are, but continual bombardment by the mass media is a hard thing to not take in on some subconscious level. That is the crux of the matter - inconsistency and the blatant lies that men will tell you to reassure you when you can see the obvious with your own eyes.
ReplyDeleteIf wrongness came in bra sizes, you would be DDD wrong. As a man, I can tell you that we don't all lust for large breasts - we appreciate all breasts. We don't have our own, and we will occasionally look at yours. The bigger ones just happen to be in our line of vision and catch our eyes more frequently. But still, we do look at smaller-breasted women; it's just that our partners don't seem to notice it as much. When we do look, be assured that looking doesn't equate to lusting. Sometimes we think, "Those are big and ridiculous! Why?" Other times we think, "Please, put those away." And still other times, "How unattractive, yet I can't help but stare." Once in a while, there might be an attraction, but that doesn't mean that we don't love the woman by our side. We look. We move on. And we forget. There are breast men, there are butt men, there are leg men, etc. It's the same for women. To say all men want big-busted porn-star women is as rational as saying all women want porn-star men. It's not true, it's wrong - DDD wrong. hmh
ReplyDeleteAs a man, I find smaller-breasted women sexier. I think it makes women look more youthful. I've been married to the same sexy gal and wouldn't change a thing on her. Most women with big breasts start sagging when they get older, even with gals who have had implants. To those women out there with small breasts: Know that there are plenty of men out there who love them small.
ReplyDeleteAnd yet, I'm sure you look at large-busted women. So many women out there just don't understand that the most attractive quality is self-confidence. A woman who thinks she's sexy IS sexy, regardless of her cup size. hmh
ReplyDeleteI have small breasts and i also have small self esteem. Personally i believe that the two are related. I feel men do not appreciate me and they often look at my chest and frown. I think there are men out there who just appreciate a woman for who she really is and not just for her chest size. The problem is they are all gay and will not keep me warm when it's cold out side, if you know what i mean. Men are pigs. We should all be lesbians girls. Gimme all your lovin and your hugs and kisses too.
ReplyDeleteHehe I found that last post about all women becoming lesbians fairly amusing. Of course being a guy I think that would be the greastest tragedy, but trust me, we can feel the same way at times. I've often thought life would be easier if I was just gay hehe. The thing is that man or woman, different people prefer different things. I won't lie, there are some men that prefer larger breasts and some that prefer smaller, much like some men prefer taller, shorter, skinnier, plumper etc. Some men may find your body very appealing while some may not. I suppose people want to feel attractive and they may think that surgically altering their body to apeal to a larger audience is the sure route to a higher self-esteem, but I really do not think that is the answer. If you want to feel good about yourself then keep yourself fit and take care of your body, you will look good and feel great, if a man finds you attractive then great, if not... who cares?? My guess is that if he isn't attracted to you then guess what... he's not for you! Besides, a strong loving relationship can not be built on silicone, the foundation has to be your feelings for eachother. Personally I love women of all shapes and sizes, but if there is no connection then it is not worth it, breast size is definately the last thing on my mind. In conclusion, putting foreign objects inside your body will not bring you love, happiness or self-esteem (it may bring you some health complications however) , if you are a good person who takes good care of themselves then you should feel good about yourself, and people will definately find you attractive.
ReplyDeletePS: I find fake breasts to be very unattractive and would rather a women had none at all than some lump of silicone stuffed in their chest.
-a concerened man
I read your column in my daily newspaper and look forward to it each week. When I read today's column about breast size, I cracked up. I imagined,
ReplyDeleteinstead, a man writing the letter about women who prefer larger penises (peni?). Same thing.
- Married for 38 years
I read your column in my daily newspaper and look forward to it each week. When I read today's column about breast size, I cracked up. I imagined,
ReplyDeleteinstead, a man writing the letter about women who prefer larger penises (peni?). Same thing.
- Married for 38 years
look girls, you want to know whats up with guys and breasts. well here it is plain and simple BOOBIES, BREASTS WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL THEM = GOOD.
ReplyDeleteyeah size doesn't matter. as a matter of fact most smaller breasted girls are more fun in be they tend to move around more for some reason and not just lay there.
ReplyDeleteI also find this amusing. I'm a 32A, not much bigger that you. My fiance is a wonderful man who does believe in the "all you need is a handful idea." I also wanted to point something else out that no one thought of. A male friend of mine recently moved to Phoenix, AZ, where as you can imagine, it is HOT. He took a girl home from a club, and his apartment was so hot they were "sticking to the sheets" (he said). He put his hand on her fake breast, and he said it was "cool to the touch, like an android." What man is going to find that attractive, hmmm? Stick with your small breasts and be happy. My mother is a registered nurse, and she said that your body's immune system sees no difference in a pair of silicone packets versus two TENNIS BALLS! To your body, they are the same. Do you want to walk around with a pair of cold tennis balls in your chest for the rest of your life? I'll pass, thank you.
ReplyDeleteI am a man, moreover i am best classified as a breast man, and I am here to tell you you have nothing to worry about. In spite of my orientation, the best relationship I ever had was with a woman who was a 34 A, and she didn't even fill that out. Nonetheless, I loved her as well as her breasts very much.
ReplyDeleteThat said, you also need not worry about the fact that men are attracted to large breasts. It has primal, evolutionary underpinnings: breasts may have been a valid indication of a womans ability to nurse her newborn children, even only a few hundred years ago out of millions. Those evolutionary instincts do not readily dissapear, but in a civilized world it is no longer something we base our decisions on when serious relationships are at hand. I am not making excuses here; we guys enjoy looking at attractive women and attractive breasts, but this has absolutely nothing to do wiht how well endowed our partners are, or how much we love them.
All of the reasons listed above are valid reasons against implants. If you are confident in yourself as is, you will have plenty of interested men to choose from. If a man overlooks you solely because of your chest, then he really isn't ready for a healthy relationship to begin with - feel good that only your chestier brethren have to deal with them.
Alright...I can't resist any longer.
ReplyDeleteThe idea that most men like large breasts is terribly outdated. The last time big breasts mattered, was more than a decade ago. Secondly, the problem with larger breasts is gravity. And time.
If you are small-breasted and have problems with it, try and figure out why it is resonating with your perception of yourself. 'Cause trust me, as a guy, it's not our perception...
Smal breasted women are also sexy.. but i think that big tits are way better... my dream woman will be a 38dd... thts all... make them boobies jigle
ReplyDelete32AA, I feel your pain. Oh, do I feel it. I used to be a 32-34AA myself. For all those people writing in about "small breasts" vs. "large breasts," I'd like to say that there is a difference between having "small breasts" and having practically no breasts, which is what an AA cup size gets you.
ReplyDeleteLike the original poster, I had (and still manage to have) a slender and petite build. My butt was cute; I was proportionate. The only thing wrong was: NO BOOBS. My shoulderblades stuck out more than my poor little boobs did.
It wasn't only that I "didn't feel sexy enough," (although it does have an effect when you buy a training bra when you're 11 and never grow out of it, or when stupid saleslady assumes you're looking for the training bras WHEN YOU'RE IN COLLEGE. :P ); I had plenty of boyfriends, most of whom had no complaints. Still, I hated my lack of chest. Clothes didn't fit right. Swimsuits didn't fit right. Dresses bagged and tank tops sagged. Bikinis and bras were hard to find.
Victoria's Secret? Hah. The secret is that you need some boobs. They don't make many matching bra-and-panty sets or lingerie sets in those sizes. No, you were stuck at JC Penney's looking through the racks insipidly labeled, "Just Enough" or "Almost A" in sensible white and buzzkill beige. Imagine, guys, shopping in the underwear section and only getting to choose amongst tighty-whities labelled "Petite Package" or something like that!
So what did I do? Well, of course I "accepted myself for what I was," and meanwhile bought every Miracle, Wonder, Gel, Water, and anything else-bra that pushed, smushed, propped up, and replaced my non-existant cleavage. My swimsuits had built-in flotation devices. And when you think about it, how honest is that, really? Those things aren't cheap, either; they're like $30 apiece and up! How much does that add up to during a person's life? And, at the end of the day, you still have to take it all off and be left with your nonboobs for yourself and your boyfriend to "like just the way you are." Barf! I tried not to let it bug me, but a lot of times I thought, "Who am I kidding?"
Meanwhile, when no one was looking, I did a lot of research on the internet about breast implants. A LOT. The silicone controversy was at its peak back then, so there was a lot of research to be had. Pros, cons, side effects, dangers, doctors, warnings. I still "liked myself the way I was," enough not to go into debt, but also decided that if a few grand ever fell in my lap that I'd seriously look into it.
Well, the impossible happened- a few grand fell in my lap when I was 24. A distant relative died and left me some money. I decided to go for it and find a good doctor.
Now, to dispel another obvious misassumption that's also demonstrated on this board, there are breast sizes in between A and DD. Apparently people assume that everyone who gets fake boobs goes for the Dolly Parton look. Actually, that's not true. Most people, on the advice of their reputable doctors, choose a size that is realistic and proportionate to their body type. Besides, when you're extra small (like the original poster and myself) you only have so much skin and muscle to go around, so unless you want to look fake as a $3 bill, you can't go that big.
I ended up with a large B/small C. I got saline implants under the muscle. Basically when you get under-the-muscle implants, they act like spacers under the chest wall, so the breast on top is still all you. You can still breastfeed, and it helps avoid the "tennis ball" look.
I'm not gonna lie: It HURT. It's surgery, not a day at the spa. Surgery hurts. It's not a death march, but it's a couple very uncomfortable days afterwards. I followed the doctor's orders and had no complications, except for numbness for several months afterwards.
Afterwards? Receiving that windfall was nothing compared to the thrill of being able to throw away all those stupid padded bras and say Adios to JC Penney's. (Not to compare cosmetic surgery to a disability, but that scene in the movie Forrest Gump, when little Forrest has the braces on his legs and little Jenny says "Run, Forrest, RUN!" and he starts running and his braces come flying off in pieces and he gets that awesome look on his face? Yeah, it's like that.)
Ever since then? Physically, it takes some getting used to. Boobs get in the way sometimes! And yes, some people prefer to converse with them instead of with you. Stomach sleeping isn't quite as comfortable, because implants don't mush like real breasts do.
But "cold tennis balls?" That's retarded. They're firm, but they're not TENNIS BALLS. And cold? Ever put an ice cube in your mouth? Did it melt? Gee, I guess that's called body heat.
Mentally, it's like a weight has been lifted off my self-esteem. It was something that always bugged me, and now it doesn't bug me anymore. I don't go around thinking that guys won't like me when they find out I have no boobs. I don't go around thinking "I'd be cuter if..." or "That outfit would be cute if..." The "if" is gone. What a blessing.
In conclusion, plastic surgery isn't a solution for someone who is so down on themselves that they want to be someone else. Surgery doesn't do that. If you hate yourself, you won't be someone else after a nosejob. Look at Michael Jackson. If your life's in the shitter, a boobjob won't make your fairy godmother appear and make you a movie star. If you're 50 years old, the doctor can't make you look 22, that's impossible. You're you when you go in, and you're you when you come out.
Plastic surgery is an option for people who think, "Generally, I'm all right. But these saddlebags/big nose/small boobs really bugs me. I want to look like myself, but better." In fact, I think the more wary these people are about changing their appearance, the better, because these are people who are willing to spend the money and who will do their homework to make sure they get a really good doctor. They'll understand that the less obvious a surgery is, the better it is, and will have realistic expectations about the outcome.
So, my advice: 1) Give yourself a couple years. Sometimes people's metabolisms change and you might get some boobs out of it.
2)Make sure that if you want implants, that it's YOU who wants it, not your friends or boyfriend giving you a head trip. Imagine if your boyfriend went abroad for the next 3 years and you didn't date anyone else. Would you still want implants? If no one ever made fun of your boobs again, would you still want implants?
3)Start saving money. Boobs or no boobs, it's dumb to slap 5 grand on a credit card at crazy interest rates. If it takes you 3 years, so what? By that time you should really know if you want them, and if you don't after 3 years, you still have 5 grand!
4) Make sure you're realistic. Chances are that Playboy will not be pounding down your door, so if you want huge ones, think hard about it. Look around at the beach, locker room, etc. at all the naturally big ladies and see what gravity does over time. It does a number on real ones, and it'll do a number on fake ones too. Ditto the red strapmarks and the neck and back pain. Also, do a TON of homework about risks, scarring, side effects, rupturing, methods, doctors, anesthesia, etc.
So, that's it. Good luck either way, and I hope my experience was helpful.
Hi i would just like to say that i'm 14 years old and i'm size 44E no lie. i hate it all the boys use me cause they think i'll be easy cause of my chest. The bra's are horrible and i hate it. My advice is your so luck to have small breast don't have your boobs bigger they just bring trouble trust me!!
ReplyDeleteBig breasts are great!!!!!
ReplyDeleteSurgery is so safe! Don't worry, you can get great financing on the boob job.
hiya, on the issue of big breasts mine are 34d-dd ,they are sagging already and i am only 18! iworry what i will look like when i am 40.
ReplyDeletei prefer having large breasts, it makes me feel womanly. they get very painful though so i envy small women for that. one thing i do hate is being stared at by blokes i dont think i go one day without someone looking at them.It is nice to have the attention though because i know that they can't touch them and all my fiances mates envy him! but lately i have considered a boob lift, i would never do it though, i am happy as i am and by bloke dont leave them alone so i cant be that bad.
Regarding the 5:01 Anonymous post of the woman who had surgery, I would like to say that I could've written that entire post myself, right down to the lack of clothing choices, the irritation over stupid bra names, feeling dissatisfied with inserts and padding, and how I still felt unhappy even though I was otherwise generally satisfied with my appearance, and even though the guys I dated had no complaints.
ReplyDeleteI began researching casually at age 23, then at age 27, finally reached a turning point when my favorite bra brand was discontinued in my size. I decided that I'd be damned if I had to go through the search for a decent bra again until I had the surgery done.
I chose a very highly-regarded surgeon (who was NOT more expensive than other surgeons, so please, do your homework!), had a very smooth surgery and recovery (in large part because I knew from my research what to expect), and my results were excellent. I went from a 32A/AA to a large 34B. 5 years later, I've had no complications (knock wood) and I'm perfectly proportional. Clothes fit so much better, I can buy any style I want, and best of all, I *don't* feel that sinking feeling anymore when I look in the mirror. That alone made it worth every penny.
I think that if you have smaller breast then you are so lucky mine are bigger than my mum's!! and i'm only 15 to all the girls out there who moan that your tits are too small then you really cant see how lucky you are!!!!
ReplyDeleteI would never wish for larger breasts. At age 13, I'm currently a 34DD. I'm an avid horse-rider, and it's impossible to find a bra that makes it at all comfortable to ride. As mentioned, bra's in this size are never pretty, or girly, and make you feel pretty bad when you see this montrosity you're wearing, and you see other's your age wearing these cute, little patterns, and lace. If you do find a bra that fits, the straps will dig in, and by the end of the day, you'll have red marks all over your entire upper body. Plus, it limits you in shirts, and, even worse, swim suits. If your shirt is anything other than a round neck, it looks horribly sleazy, and with swim suits, it's impossible to find a suit that covers any of you, unless it's a one-piece. It's not worth the pain of large breasts just for the look.
ReplyDeleteI'm a 21 year old. Depending on the bra/bathing suit I'm somewhere between 32DD and 34 E (E comes after DDD). This is seriously a load that I have had to come to terms with carrying around. Physically it is a strain. I have constant back problems, I have to wear AT LEAST two bra's to do any kind of sports. I envy my friends who can wear cute shirts (especially without having to wear a bra). Most shirts either make me look slutty or like im trying to cover up or dont even fit. I can go through an ENTIRE mall and not find one bathinsuit or one dress that will fit me. Its putting it lightly to say its frustrating to I have to be excited about actually finding one item in a whole mall that FITS, opposed to finding something that I might actually LIKE. Immagine trying to find clothes that fit an extra small and an extra large at the same time.
ReplyDeleteI find it degrating when guys come over to talk to me and just stare at my chest or down my shirt. I am often mistrustful of guys I meet, becuse sometimes I wonder if that is all they're interested in.
Im someone from the other side who has considered breast reduction. If I were you I wouldnt do it. Over time your body will change. Thats one of the reasons I'm waiting to make a decision to get a reduction.
PLUS:
You can make skimpy clothes look HOT and not gross!
You can do sports comfortably.
You can wear clothes that you cant wear a bra with!(its not just comfortable, u know its hot)
I know it sounds corny, but a guy that really likes you will find you special for what you HAVE, not what you think you're lacking.
There ups and downs for all of us with what nature gave us. Accepting what you have and learning to appreciate and make the most of it is really just a part of life and growing up!
unless you swing from a brass pole for a living, forget it.
ReplyDeleteFind a guy that loves you for your personality and not your breasts. Or someone that loves you for both! And of course, you have more than breasts. And it costs money + endangers your health.
ReplyDelete