Welcome to Help Me, Harlan's 4th Annual Rejection Awareness Week (official press release). Do your part and help celebrate R.A.W. 2006 by sharing the story of how you took THE RISK and found the love of your life. Help the world overcome their fear of taking risks and remind them that love is just around the corner, down the hall, or a few clicks of the mouse away...
Note: If taking The Risk is too risky, then take a step back and figure out what you need to do so that it isn't so scary. Please consider taking part in Harlan's International Risk-Taking project. Click here to visit THE I.R.P..
I had been living in France for 8 years when I decided to move back to the United States. I had had two long-term relationships while in France that did not work out so I was feeling a little cynical about love by the time I got back to the U.S. but I was still mildly optimistic and very hopeful. At the time I was convinced I would rather be single forever than be in a relationship with someone who didn't really knock my socks off and who didn't care for me either. My relationships thus far had felt like they were more out of convenience and fear of being alone than of true admiration for each other.
ReplyDeleteI was single for two years before I finally got the nerve to go out on a date with someone who really blew me away with their presence.
I had been going to the gym on a regular basis for about a year. I am not the kind of person who goes to the gym to meet men. In fact, the gym was really my place just to be selfish and spend time with myself, for myself. Then one day, I happened to see a man at the gym who really made a strong impression on me to the point where I felt really insecure about approaching him.
I had previously made friends with one of the sales people at the gym and told her I spotted another member whom I thought seemed interesting. She went crazy with enthusiasm and made me identify him to her. Three days later, I get a call at work and it's my sales friend on the line telling me she set me up to meet him. I was pretty nervous! We finally met and eventually went out on a date. On the first date we really hit it off. We had a lot in common and he was such a sweet guy. We've been together for six years now and married for two of those six years. We are a match made in heaven! I am so glad I took the risk of waiting to meet someone I really admire and who really loves me to the core of my being. And I am so glad I didn't give up on love after all the discouragement I had experienced in previous relationships.
It was a year and a half ago, I was single. I had just gotten out of a really hard and long-term relatinship and was looking for a friend to spend some of my extra time with not anything serious. When a friend gave me a number to a chat line. I thought this must be a joke, but could be fun. I gave it a chance. I usually got on late night when I got home from work. Everyone who I talked to seemed to be going no where or were already there. Until one day I met a man named Jason. We clicked and spent four hours on the phone that day and met in the wee hours of the morning the next day or later that night, however you look at it.
ReplyDeleteWe saw each other everyday that week. We then lost contact for many reasons. The same friend who gave me the number got on a few months later and guess who the first person was she spoke to was? Jason. He asked about me and she inquired on the reason that we stopped talking. To make a long story short, we relized that we were soulmates and if not for the chat line we would not have met.
It was Thanksgiving Day 1983. I was 22 years old and had broken up with my boyfriend of three years.
ReplyDeleteAfter Thanksgiving Dinner ended, my sister and cousin asked me to take them out dancing to a nightclub where a live band was playing. I responded with "who is going out to dance when this is Thanksgiving and everyone is with there families". I gave in and drove them to Bellevue Inn where a live band called "Solid" was playing.
I was just sitting there not looking to dance or meeting anyone. I left our table to go to the ladies room and when I returned, a drink was waiting for me. I asked my sister who got me the drink, and said that guy over there sitting across the way.
I went over to the table he was sitting at with his friends. I thanked him and went back to my table. A few minutes later, he came by to ask me to dance. We danced but I was a little scared... he was pretty rough looking... cowboy boots, jeans, sweatshirt with cut off sleeves and a beard.
After dancing, he came back and sat with us for the rest of the evening. I ask him his name and he said Jimmy Valiere (va-leer). I told him nah... get out of here! He said why? I told him my name was Lucita Villar (vil-lar). Are names were so similar, yet he is Greek-Italian and I am Filipino.
The evening ended and he walked me to my car. He asked for my phone number and I gave him my checking deposit slip.
I didn't hear from him for a month and a week before Christmas 1983, he called and we talked for so long. I found out he had a 1-year old daughter from a previous relationship, but he said he thought I seemed the type of person who wouldn't mind going out with someone who had a kid.
The risk? It was taking the risk of my husband asking me out on that first date. It was the risk of me going out with someone who had a child from a previous relationship when I myself was young. That risk changed my life forever.
We went out on our first date, married two years later in 1985, and renewed our wedding vows in 1985. We just celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary and have been together so far for 22 year and still counting. We now have 4 children and a grand-daughter (from the daughter I helped raise since she was a year old).
My husband has been my best friend, my lover, my rock. He's a great husband with many talents and he's been by my side during my battle with breast cancer. He's been a great provider and has taken care of me and our family.
I love him with all my heart. Happy Valentine's Day Honey and Happy Thanksgiving.
I'd been in a long term relationship, 9 years, with a married man who kept promising but would not leave his wife. We split for good in Summer 2005. I tried dating local guys for awhile (like 2 weeks) and pretty much was just hanging out with myself and working a lot.
ReplyDeleteAround Thanksgiving, I met a guy online in an AA chat room. He was upset because of a recently broken relationship and I offered to phone him so that he could talk to someone about it. I was not looking for a relationship, my only interest was to try to help him get through something I'd experienced not too long before. During our conversation, he revealed some very painful details about himself and was crying while he told me. My heart melted.
A few days later, I was on a plane to Switzerland and wishing I was going somewhere else. We kept in touch during the 10 days I was gone and when I got home, I told him how I felt. I wasn't sure how it would be received but to my amazement he said he felt the same way.
In the short time that we've known each other we've been online together on a voice chat daily and the honesty, caring and love that has grown since that first day continues.
We've both experienced the pain of rejection in our lives and we've vowed not to treat each other that way. The future is ahead for us.
I fly to Toronto to meet him on Feb 14th.
I had had a true love and lost her I did not look for another for 3 years. I was tired of waiting and Valentine's Day was comming up. I decided to talk to a girl I thought was atractive. I ended up asking her out on Valentine's Day. I brought her flowers to work and cooked her steak and fettacuinni alfredo for dinner. That was a BIG success.
ReplyDeleteIt ends up that we broke up after a week or so, but it made me realize I could find love again. A couple of weeks later, I met my lover who I'm still with today. Soon we'll celebrate our 1-year anniversary.
It was a Sunday, October 10, 2004, the day before Columbus Day. I went to a friend's house since we had the next day off. I hadn't done anything Saturday, so I was a little depressed. Up to that point, I hadn't been very good with girls. I had just been turned down twice in a row. I had decided to never have a "what if" ever again. But, I was starting to wonder if it was all worth it. Then that night I met her - Allie. We clicked instantly. We both wore Converse, loved history, and were rather odd. When she knew the capital of Iceland, I was quite impressed. The problem was that she lived for hours away. She and her family were visiting another friend of mine and was leaving the next day. As for "the Risk", I kissed her that night, my first one. It was great.
ReplyDeleteWe weren't sure what to do next. But through the miracle of Instant Messenger, we stayed in contact. We decided we liked each other enough to risk it some more and start dating. Well, the risk payed off. We've been dating now for one year and six months. We've had some hard times, but having the love is more then worth it.
I had just returned to Washington from a three year run in Alaska and a couple of relationships that did not work out. I often stayed with good friends of mine in West Seattle and they popped me with a proposition that sounded interesting. A friend of theirs had moved to Washington D.C. a few months earlier, but she did not want to drive her car cross country in the winter. She had been desiring her car and someone to drive it for her from Seattle to D.C. Since I had yet to take a full time job and it was after all spring, I said, "Yes." What a great trip and I highly recommend our nations capital for a visit plus I had never experienced a chicada hatch before.
ReplyDeleteAfter dropping off her vehicle, I boarded Amtrak for my first ever train ride and came back westbound visiting friends and relatives in Wisconsin and Minneapolis. On the day of my Minneapolis departure, I had lots of time to kill at the train station since the "Empire Builder" did not pull out till 11 p.m. While walking around outside I spied a long-haired fellow walking by eating a piece of watermelon. Hold the phone - what's wrong with this picture? The depot is miles away from any store and he certanly did not appear to be a passenger. So, I approached him and asked him where he got the melon. He replied that a nearby trucking firm threw out a whole shipment of broken melons about 100 yards away from our present spot. I followed his directions and arrived to the spot where the melons were disposed of. Guess what? They were not all broken. So, I returned to the depot, paid a buck, and aquired a rolling luggage cart and returned to the melons. In no time at all I had picked out a dozen or so unbroken melons and placed them on the cart and carefully returned to the depot.
Now I'm a generous fellow that was taught to not waste food and offered up the melons for free to anyone that walked by. With most of the melons given away a cab pulled up and dropped off a fair at the depot. I asked the cabby if he was interested in a free melon to which he was agreeable, only, he wasn't about to take something for nothing. This nice gentleman and I had a very long exchange about him wanting to pay something for the melon. Each attempt on his part to pay was met with a refusal on my part to accept anything. It was at this point I had noticed a particulary attractive brunette walk in from the parking lot, past the gentleman cabby and me, and disappear into the depot. It was just then that the cabby had a solution to our stalemate. He inquired if I was a Christian man to which I replied "Yes, I am". "Great', he says, "If I give you a couple of dollars for the melon, will you put it in the offering the next time you are at church?" "Yeppers, you got a deal sir", was my reply.
With both of us having gotten something we could live with, the cabby gentleman drove away. No sooner had I stuffed the bills in my shirt than that brunette I had glanced at earlier came walking out of the depot. I asked her if she was interested in a free melon and again I had a willing taker. She didn't appear to be in a real hurry so I struck up a conversation with her that continued so long I cut up a watermelon and shared it with her while continuing our conversation on that hot and humid day. Seeing that I still had six hours before my train left, I suggested a meal, on me, and so we enjoyed a nice dinner and more pleasant conversation all the while I was showing her some of the images I had captured while in Alaska.
I came to learn that the only reason she was there that day was to get her tickets for her sisters wedding which would be in another month. I finally made it out on the Empire Builder and returned to the great NW. Many phone calls, letters and about a year and a half later, I asked her to move out to Magnolia, with me, and see if the NW suited her better than Minnesota. She did and four years after that chance encounter she became my wife. This is proof that you can find love with out even looking for it. Hope this gives others hope.
RISK vs. REGRET
ReplyDeleteIt was 1985, I was working at a bank as a teller. I was dating men, but not finding Mr. Right. Every Thursday, there was a customer who came into the bank I worked at to deposit his payroll check. He was always very kind and polite, unlike many of the bank customers. He was also exceedingly handsome (the tall, dark type) and had just taken out a car loan with the bank so he had been visiting the bank more frequently.
Risk Number 1: I saw him one day at the bank when a girlfriend and I were heading out to lunch and I spontaneously asked him if he would like to join us. He declined, saying he had to return to work. Still, I did not get the impression that he was giving me the brush-off.
Risk Number 2: I had been living with a colleague and her family. One evening after hearing what a "crush" I had on this bank customer, the mother brought out mock business cards as a gag idea to hand to my bank customer. The "business card" read: International Man Watcher's Association" up top and on the back of the card the admirer had the option of checking off certain desirable attributes that the admired possessed before handing it to him. These included, nice smile, sexy eyes, nice [you get the picture]. Well, I actually gave him the card one day through the drive through teller window! He could not see me because the sun was shining on a reflective glass plating, so he made his best guess (ha!) and came in the next day to ask if I was the party who gave him the card. After fumbling around at my teller window and causing my supervisor to become concerned for the safety of the bank and its customers, I suggested he take my number down and call me later. That expression "be careful what you ask for, you might just get it" became crystal clear for me in that moment. No more playing around!
What Happened Next?
We dated, fell in love and married in 1989. We have a 7 year-old boy and a 4-year-old girl, who we love very much, and believe it or not we still love each other after more than 20 years of being monogamous.
P.S. Risk-taking doesn't stop after you've found the love of your life. Sometimes, after being married many years and experiencing many things together (not all great) you may have to drop your foolish pride or built-up resentments, and reach out again and again to your spouse, taking yet another risk to break through walls to love and be loved - but it is soooooo worth it that there is really no other way to live than with love in your life.
I was raised in the most dysfunctional family imaginable. Every kind of abuse was showered upon 3 of the five children in our family by our mother and father.To this day, I am amazed that we all survived; in those days, it was unthinkable to air the family's "dirty laundry" in public. As a teenager, I was scared of adult men in general, and had no self confidence or self esteem, so if any boy was interested me, I assumed it was only for sexual reasons.
ReplyDeleteThen, on the first day of school in 1969, I was standing with a group of kids on the football field in a general assembly when the cutest boy (in my opinion) in the group began flirting with me. It was love at first sight. Long story short, we got married in spring 1971, graduated from high school that June, and became parents in July.
In 1976, he left me for the secretary where he worked to"live a more exciting lifestyle". I was devastated to the point of being suicidal. If not for my son, I wouldn't have cared about anything. I vowed that he would be sorry someday for leaving us and worked hard to make a good life for myself and my son. I never bad mouthed my ex and encouraged my son to see his dad regularly. We had a happy life, and I had a couple of serious relationships, but no one could penetrate my wall of fear of being abandoned again.
Fast forward to 1986. Two friends of mine set me up on a blind date with a man they had both known for years and who was once engaged to one's sister.He wasn't the "tall, dark and handsome" type I was usually actracted to but we went out and had a nice time and he was a gentleman with impeccable manners, which was quite refreshing. I found out he had been married 4 times aside from the broken engagement, so my radar went up and I didn't hold much hope for the relationship progressing much further. We continued to date and despite my warnings about my dysfunctional family, he was willing to spend Thanksgiving with them. That was endearing and things got more serious. when I asked him about his failed marriages, he was very honest and admitted he was to blame for some of the problems, but that he was committed to "keep doing it until he got it right".
Again, long story a little shorter, we will be celebrating our 18th wedding anniversary this October. We had some tough times in our early years due to my insecurities, but he has stood firm by my side throughout the years and helped me develop my confidence and self esteem. I couldn't imagine life without him. And my ex husband? He divorced the fabulous secretary, who is now a not so fabulous alcoholic and drug abuser, his children by her are both unemployed drug abusers, and now lives with our son, who has a great career, they share many interests and have a great relationship. Did he apologize to me? More than once, and it was the sweetest sound in the world!
So, is the risk worth it? If you are willing to accept the fact that no one is perfect, and willing to acknowledge your own failings and work on the parts of yourself that need improvement, and can communicate with your partner in a loving, constructive manner designed to improve your relationship, not break it down, then, yes, the risk is worth it.
I first met my "love of my life" last February (2005) at a local ski resort. I am a ski instructor and was giving lessons to a bunch of school kids and some chaperones. One of the chaperones was so beautiful, I couldn't take my eyes off of her. I had been divorced for over a year, but still had a hard time with meeting women due to my trust issues (my previous marriage ended due to my ex-wife's cheating.) So nothing happened that day. Four months later I saw her again. Her son and my son were on the same baseball team and her daughter and my daughter were on the same softball team so we started talking a couple of times a week. After a month of this, I took my kids to waterpark for a three day vacation. I couldn't stop thinking about her. The day that I got back from the vacation I called her on the phone. I told her what I was feeling and that we should get together. From that day on we talked everyday, either in person or on the phone. We are very much in love with each other and are talking about marriage someday.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that I took the risk and called her. I feel is so complete with her in my life. Thank you for letting me share my story.
In the Spring of 1991, I was a seminarian, about to graduate from a midwestern theological school. During those seminary years, I hadn't dated anybody. One night, a bunch of us seminarians were at a local eatery, seated around a large table with other twenty-somethings. I struck up a conversation with a young woman who was about to graduate from a local university. Things were going well until I spilled an entire pitcher of beer onto her lap. Afterward, I felt compelled to ask her out -- in part, because she was so gracious about the beer incident. We'll be celebrating our 14th wedding anniversary in April.
ReplyDeleteIn April of 1960, a college professor told a group of us students that he met his wife by dating a different girl every Friday. So I thought that I could try the same thing, of course I didn’t expect much. I asked a few girls out and did not feel that it was working. Then I remembered that there was a girl, I had seen during the summer who looked lonely so I decide to call her. I will call her Barb.
ReplyDeleteIn December, I called and she said that she did not want to go out with me alone. She found her roommate a date, whom I will call Sue, and the four of us went out together. We spent the evening riding around looking at the Christmas lights. We returned to the girls apartment were we sat and talked. I thought that Sue was more interested in me then Barb was. For some reason Barb moved to another apartment.
In January, I called and asked Sue for a date. She accepted and we really hit it off. A few days later I was going to give Sue and Barb a ride home from church, and Sue went into the car first to sit next to me. I felt the outside person should go home first even if I had to drive past Sue’s apartment to bring Barb home.
Needless to say I did not think about dating another girl any Friday after that, I proposed to Sue in February. After a long engagement we were married in June. This year will make it 45 great years.
I told the Prof a couple of years ago I was going to send this. He said “And so you believed.” I was unsuccessful in finding a date every Friday, but successful with the goal, finding a loving wife.
Until last year on New Years Day, I was a classic bad boy addict. I have had a few serious relationships, but they were all with guys who would be sweet and nice for a few months and then their true colors would shine through. I was cheated on, yelled at and mistreated yet stayed with them hanging onto the false ray of hope they would exhibit ever now and then.
ReplyDeleteI had broken up with my longtime boyfriend in August of 2004 after he returned from a summer in New York for an internship. I realized how happy I was when he wasn’t around and somehow found the guts to tell him so. All summer long I spent hours poolside and partying with my friends and it was great, I met a ton of new people and realized what I was missing since I had been with him. He was nice, but our arguments were hurtful, destructive, and he was seeing a few other women throughout the relationship. We broke up on agreed terms, but it happened at a bar which is never the place to do that. It ended up being a screaming match and I had a few of my guy friends hold him back from coming by me because I was scared at what he might do. After the break up I went back to spending time with friends and trying to find a job (I was graduating that December).
While I was partying all summer and fall there was always this guy I saw at the bar. He was tall, muscular and had piercing blue eyes. He always had a lot of friends surrounding him, as did I. We had always smiled at each other but never really talked much, although he does admit to always patting my butt as I walked by on purpose. One night, he was wearing a blue plaid Burberry hat. I was watching him for awhile and wanted to say something but I didn’t until later that night (after more drinks). At a different bar, I called him over to me, which he sheepishly obeyed and I told him “Hey, I like your hat, and we should exchange numbers.” That was the most we had directly talked over months of noticing each other. From that day on we hadn’t even talked on the phone once.
On New Years Eve I went back to my hometown (St. Paul) to spend the night partying in downtown Minneapolis with friends. We had a blast but it was only a Friday night. On Saturday morning I was hung-over but still wanted to go out that night too. None of my friend wanted to go out again in the cities so I decided to drive back to my apartment in Mankato (where I was in college) for a few days. I knew that one of my friends from school would want to go out, but I figured everyone else I normally saw at the bar would stay at home to recover from New Years Eve. I decided to make random calls to people on my drive down to Mankato to see if anyone would be out that night. I took the risk and got a hold of the blue eyed guy. I figured he had a lot of friends and I had quite a few, maybe we could meet up. I remember saying to him “I’m just calling to see if anyone is going to be out tonight.”
My friends and I ended up going to a small hole in the wall bar that no one usually goes to. After a few drinks we were starting to party it up with the small crowd, and then he walked in with a few of his friends. I went right up to him and was with him the rest of the night. I ended up taking him home that night and the joke is now that after taking him home that night (New Years Day) he has never left!
That was last year at this time and we have just celebrated our one year anniversary. Currently he (Sam) has moved up to the twin cities with me, found a job, and we are living together happily. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me and finally I have found someone who is mature enough to make me happy, and argue fairly.
I think it is amazing how we have elevated our relationship to something so fulfilling and promising from one night of “Hey, I like your hat.” It feels as if we were meant to be together, but the one upstairs had us waiting for the right time. I couldn’t have asked for a better New Years gift and every New Years Day I am reminded of how lucky I am. What more fitting of a New Years resolution than to be in a happy, healthy relationship; and every year I don’t have to think of a new one because I already have it.
In high school in 1949, Jack and I dated a few times, then went on to marry other people and raise our families. Even though we lived in different cities, we occasionally ran into each other over the years. My husband died in 1991, and a year and a half later I heard that Jack had lost his wife. I wrote to him, and invited him to call me, and perhaps come over for dinner. He did call and asked "Do I know you?" I explained who I was, and we talked for quite a while, then set a date for dinner. It has been twelve years, and he is still here! Best risk I ever took.
ReplyDeleteTen years ago I was a graduate student studying in Washington, DC. I wasn't into the bar scene. Since the internet was basically fairly new in 1995, I thought I'd try online dating sites. I stumbled across Match.com After a few different dates, I got an email from a guy who lived in a small town in west Texas.
ReplyDeleteWe chatted for about 2 months before I decided to fly down to meet him.
A few weeks before I flew down, there was a murder that took place in North Carolina. A woman from the Maryland area went to North Carolina to meet this guy she had been talking with online. Well, he ended up killing her. This really scared the living daylights out of me.
I thought, "What if this guy in Texas kills me?". A few of my friends and co workers suggested that I cancel my trip to Texas.
Well, life's full of risk. I went on with my plan to meet this guy.
Afterall, he said he was a cop so figured he wasn't busting my chops.
When I got off the plane in Midland, Texas... There he was waiting for me. The first thing I asked him when we got in the car was "So where are you gonna kill me?". He said, "Over there." I know.. Sick sense of humor!
10 years later.... Here I am... And we are together!
Perhaps not the most romantic or biggest risk you may hear about, but after 36 years of marriage and a year of widowhood, I decided to take the risk, go on the net and try to find a dance partner. It was scary to not only go on the net, but to even think of dating after 38 years of being out of the dating scene. Was not looking for marriage, just someone to go to the movies with, maybe a restaurant, and of course dance (deceased husband did NOT dance at all and I missed it). As luck, fate, the gods, would have it, a widower who lived in the next town also went on the net at the same time, looking for a dance partner. His late wife of 29 years had loved to dance and he did not. But he took the risk of dance lessons, as well as the risk of finding a dance partner who wasn't psycho on the net (no extra women in class, which is phenomenal in itself). I met him at his dance class, we clicked, decided to continue dance lessons together, and the rest is history. We "dated" for three years, are now married for one year and we still dance. We have blended our four families together (lates spouses as well as our own) and everyone is very happy for us. Taking the risk changed our lives more than we can say. I'm glad I took the risk, but you also need to stress that along with the risk, people need to be cautious and not lose their judgement. We met in a public place several times until I felt safe in letting him know where I lived.
ReplyDeleteHe took the big risk by introducing himself and giving me his phone number. I returned in kind by calling him and meeting him for a first date.
ReplyDeleteHe and his friends, and me and my friends were all on the same flight to Las Vegas in January of 2005. We bumped into them during our trip. My friends convinced him to introduce himself to me, so he did. "Hi, my name is Mark. Here is my phone number, and I look forward to hearing from you after we all get back home." Well, as the night wore one, he mouthed off at one point and I gave his phone number back. But we talked some more, and I re-accepted his number. My friends and I got home one day earlier than he, so I left him a "Welcome Home" voicemail, and he called me back the next day. We went out a day after that, and have been together since! I am in love, and it's fantastic!
Now, I had been in a 10 year relationship that was going nowhere, and needed some changes. These changes were not going to happen, and I had made the break in my heart and in my mind. Meeting Mark was the "kick in the pants" I needed to take another risk and end that relationship. Even if things didn't work out with Mark, meeting him was the catylst for moving forward in my life.
I met my husband/love of my life, I went all the way from Minnesota to Pennslyvania to meet someone I had met on the internet. When we were online talking he told me everything I wanted to hear. But, when we met in person, he told me he couldn't be what I needed him to be. Needless to say my world was crushed.
ReplyDeleteI had pretty much given up at that time. Then one Tuesday at work, I got up, went over to this guy I knew in a different department and asked to meet his friend, Jonathan. It felt like cupid picked me up and wanted us to meet. Jonathan gave me his phone number and I was supposed to call him that night. I worked third shift and he worked first shift. I chickened out.
The next night we talked on the phone for four hours. That Friday we went on our first date. All we did was go to McDonalds and sit at a park. We never really talked that much but boy did it feel right. After our date was over, he leaned in to give me a kiss on the cheek and I inadvertantly turned my head and it landed on my lips. I swear I didn't do it on purpose.
Saturday night we had our second date. I gave him a card that night telling him that if he wanted my heart it was all his. He took it gladly and gave me his in return. About a month later he played the song "Just Like Heaven" by The Cure and asked me if I knew what it meant. I said I didn't know. Even though the words were clear that he was telling me he was in love with me. He said "I love you" and I said "What?" I just wanted to hear it again. He said "Nothing".
I told him I heard him, but I just wanted to hear it again. I had already planned on telling him that I could fall in love with him. But after the last guy rejected me so badly, I was scared.
Needless to say, we've been together for 6 years January 30th and married for 1 year and 4 months. We are expecting our first child at the end of March. He's not only my husband but the best friend I could ever ask for. I'm so glad that guy in Pennsylvania rejected me because it changed my whole life. I wouldn't change it for anything. It may be the hormones from my pregnancy, but I've got tears in my eyes. I'm just so happy.
At 36 I had pretty much given up. I was in a stagnant 3-year relationship that had started with me still reeling from a devastating breakup only months before. What began as a fling had turned into an exercise in patience. Neither one of us was very happy, we were constantly bickering and I was just going through the motions. I had reached a point where I truly believed that this was as good as life was going to get. It wasn’t a scenario giving me any joy, but I had decided to stay and stick it out with my boyfriend.
ReplyDeleteAround the same time things had bottomed out in my relationship I went on a girls getaway. My best friend and I had planned a long weekend at a fishing lodge in northwestern Ontario. We were looking forward to days on the lake fishing for walleye and nights spent drinking beer. It was going to be just us girls getting some much-needed R and R.
Our second night there we ventured into the tiny town and went to the bar in search of local color. We found a spot on the deck where we could watch the lake and the goings on in the bar. After some time I noticed a man who kept walking past us. He finally came over, introduced himself as Jimbo and offered to buy us a beer. Jim and I hung out all night. It was amazing; we talked and danced and laughed as if we had known each other forever. Jim told me that it was “a bad night for my boyfriend” and proposed to me. I laughed (but said yes) and promised to meet Jim the next night.
The following evening, while my friend and I were eating dinner at the lodge, Jim walked in. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I never expected that Jim was seriously interested in me. Why would this wonderful man seek me out? He sat down at the bar and proceeded to chat with friends, while I got up the courage to go over and talk to him. Finally I walked over and we started talking. It was electric! What I thought might have been one too many beers the previous night was magic. We sat out under the stars, a little nervous and very excited. It was clear to me that Jim was unlike anyone I had ever met. The chemistry between us was extraordinary. We talked about our hopes and dreams and plans for the future. We had so much in common and our conversation flowed effortlessly.
We spent the night together and woke to a gorgeous sunrise over the lake. It was a spectacular morning, the light through the trees, the ducks paddling around and the haze thick and yellow clinging to the water. Jim went to work and I went to fish, each of us knowing I was leaving the next day. When we saw each other that night the energy between us was odd. I wasn’t sure why and only now do I think that it was because I subconsciously knew I was leaving behind the love of my life.
Driving home the next day I fantasized about what it would be like to marry Jim and move to Canada, not really believing I would ever see him again. I went home to my boyfriend, got in a huge fight with him and cried myself to sleep. Jim called me the next day and the next and the next. Two weeks later after some serious soul-searching, hours spent crying and innumerable what –ifs, I broke up with my boyfriend. Then I started making plans to go to Canada again.
Jim continued to call everyday and I found myself in Ontario one month later. Scared during a long lonely 8-hour drive, I was going to meet a man I barely knew. When he held me in his arms I knew I was home.
Uncharacteristically, I took a risk. Jim is proof that everything happens for a reason. He and I came into each other’s lives by chance and redefined kismet. Our love has continued to grow, despite distance and opposition, and we consider ourselves blessed to have found each other.
We fit together as if made from the same mold. It is a page straight out of Plato; we truly epitomize the concept of split-aparts. Never have I experienced such a calmness and certainty with another person. I knew from the beginning that this was an opportunity worth taking. If I hadn’t made this leap of faith I knew I would lay awake at night, for years to come, wondering “what-if”.
Jim and I got engaged on Christmas Eve and are planning our wedding (and my immigration to Canada) for later this year. We are happier and more in love than ever. We have been granted a second chance at the brass ring, one that a 36 year-old woman and a 47 year-old man never thought would happen. It is never too late to take a chance or make a change and beyond a doubt, never too late for love.
"I've had it with the dating scene! These guys are jerks! I'm doomed to be single the rest of my life. Besides, who wants a young woman with a 5 and 6 year-old? 'It takes a special man to marry a woman with kids,' so I'd been told. No such thing on this planet!"
ReplyDeleteThose were the thoughts going through my head when I looked up and saw this drop-dead gorgeous hunk of a man!
"Holy Smokes! He's talking to my kid!"
I was walking across a parking lot at the Wisconsin Dells for a nice get-away with my kids. My five-year old son was struggling carrying his "manly" Tonka Semi truck I'd just bought him.
This drop-dead gorgeous hunk of a man was directing traffic in the parking lot when he asked my son "Is daddy gonna help you with that big truck?"
"I don't have a daddy!" my son replied gruffly.
"So where's your mommy?" the drop-dead gorgeous hunk of a man continued.
"She's coming, right there" my son pointed at me not even fifty feet away.
This handsome hunk's eyes met mine and butterflies fluttered in the pit of my stomach. Oooooh,,,
"Was my son bothering you? I asked softly.
"Not at all" he said with a smile.
"TJ" he said, moving his right hand towards me to shake my hand.
"Me? I forgot my name". I blushed and we both laughed. I was speechless because the moment our hands touched I felt a surge of electricity shoot up my right arm, swirl around my chest and headed straight to where the butterflies were fluttering. I felt an explosion of ecstacy.
"Wow!"
After a short 'small talk' session, he said he had to get back to work.
"Nice to have met you," he said, and shook my hand again.
Whoa!!! It happened again!!!
Then of course, I just had to make a few extra trips across that parking lot while he was on duty. BUT...
Do I dare go back and test this butterfly electrical jolt? But that may be too obvious. What if he's gone? What if he doesn't shake my hand next time? What if I don't get the butterfly electrical jolt next time? What if I'm horribly disappointed? What if he thinks I'm becoming a pest? Do I dare ask for his phone number? Should I just chalk this up as a memorable experience and let it go? What if I look like I'm desperate? What if I scare him off? What it... What if... What if...
That's it! I need to know. I don't want to go back to the cities forever fantasizing what might have been. Besides, 50 years from now the embarrassment will have worn off.
I turned to my little ones. "Let's go back to the car, I forgot something," Thank goodness for kids, big purses and purchases because then I had something to drop off in the car every time.
5 times within 45 minutes I went to the car with my kids to drop off some things. Every time I stopped to chat and he'd shake my hand he'd say, "Nice to have met you. You make it a good day now". Same result every time. The electrical butterfly surge! On the fifth trip he did give me his phone number, without me asking, it turned out he lived in Minneapolis while I lived in St. Paul (in my own back yard!). I did find that out on the 5th trip to my car.
Came back to the cities, we dated for a year. Never kissed, never held hands, but he gave me glances that set the butterfly electrical jolts in motion. When he proposed to me I said 'No'' at the Radisson in St. Paul.
"Why not," he asked, giving me the puppy-eyes look.
"Because I never want to lose the butterfly electrical jolt" I responded with a flirt.
But then on the other hand I couldn't pass up this opportunity. On our wedding night he confided in me that when he got home the afternoon he met me, he noticed a bull eye symbol on the back of his jacket when he took it off to hang it up. Smile. Also that he was very glad I persisted in coming back because he liked me too from the first but he was too shy and didn't have the nerve to say he wanted to see me again.
Today after 17 and a half years of marriage when he looks at me with that certain glance, he still sets the butterfly electrical jolt in motion. He lovingly helped raise my 2 children, they are grown, gone, and married now but they still love him to pieces.
I hit the Jackpot but only because I temporarily suspended the "what ifs". I'm glad I did, and so is he.