I don't know what to do. I was sexually assaulted about a year ago. I know the person very well and still have to see him at college. Could you give me some advice on how to deal with this situation, because he seems to act as if nothing happened. All I can think about is what happened, and it makes it all worse. I can't cope with this. I'm feeling very depressed and alone. Not many people know, because I feel so ashamed. Every time I talk about it, I feel sick. What did I do wrong to deserve to be treated like an animal?
Mixed Emotion
Listen sweetie,
ReplyDeleteNO ONE i mean NO ONE is responsible for being sexually assulted and that means you. That jerk is the one who should feel ashamed not you. sweetie you did nothing wrong, and your not alone, there are sadly many women out there that have the same thing happen to them. You just have to look around and find the people who are closest to you that you know you can trust and tell them how you feel. And my advise to you is to try your best to ingnore that jerk and go about your life as if nothing happend. Because when he sees you all misrable he feels good so don't let him feel like he won.
Listen sweetie,
ReplyDeleteNO ONE i mean NO ONE is responsible for being sexually assulted and that means you. That jerk is the one who should feel ashamed not you. sweetie you did nothing wrong, and your not alone, there are sadly many women out there that have the same thing happen to them. You just have to look around and find the people who are closest to you that you know you can trust and tell them how you feel. And my advise to you is to try your best to ingnore that jerk and go about your life as if nothing happend. Because when he sees you all misrable he feels good so don't let him feel like he won.
The same has happened to me about 3 years ago now. I hadn't coped with it as well as I had liked to, but I'm finally 90% over it. I don't see him anymore because I moved houses and changed numbers, but he still searches for me online through email addresses and even Friendster.
ReplyDeleteThe best thing to do is find some really good friends and stick with a small group of people, concentrate on school, and never go alone with guys, even guy friends, even when you're lonely. And don't try to be popular or socialize too much. It causes drama and be careful when you tell people about it, especially guys just because they might take advantage of you. This is just from experience. I hope you're doing well.
If you feel you need to talk you can let me know, I'll be around. cya
talk to a therapist,it could be your college counseler or a public therapist(look towards your local courthouse). STOP BLAMING YOURSELF. and then the hardest part, accept what has happend to you, and don't dwell on it...that only makes it worse. look into the mirror and tell yourself you are a GOOD person, and make yourself believe it again. find someone you can trust(male or female), don't be afraid to get close to them. don't be afraid to tal to those close to you, they are the ones who will give you support when you need it the most. recognise what the guys actions were and try to spot them in anyone around you, just don't assume someone is bad because they share some charachteristics. lastly wakeup and be happy that you are alive, have family and friends, and tell yourself you will survive.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry that you had this experience. I applaud your courage in reaching out for help. My suggestions:
ReplyDelete#1. Get away from this guy. Seeing him is a trigger for negative feelings inside of you. Ultimately you will learn to deal with those feelings, but until you do, avoid him.
#2. See a therapist. Therapy will help you to recognize that this event was not a reflection on you, to come to terms with the pain, and to move on with your life.
#3. Find a support group for victims of rape and sexual assault. You will find out that you can safely discuss what happened with others. You will feel less alone and gradually the event will have less power over you and your moods.
#4. Find an activity that feels empowering. It should be something that pushes or is beyond your current abilities, but where disciplined work gives clear results. For some people, setting a fitness goal and working to achieve it would feel empowering. But the vehicle you choose could be anything that is important to you. Nothing builds (or rebuilds) self-esteem like success.
#5. Stay away from alcohol and drugs entirely. In your current state, you are especially vulnerable to abusing substances and that would only make your problems worse.
Good luck to you. Asking for help is the first step to getting better.
Might you change schools? I know that turning him in is not the best solution as it is very difficult to prove assault. Counseling is very good.
ReplyDeleteI personally was raped in high school and soon after suffered a more sexual assaults that resulted by my lowered self image and messed up expectations. I was so young and I responded by surrounding myself with dangerous people and not taking care of myself.
My first assaulant (sp?) also came around and totally flipped me out - I was in High School so I couldn't move, but since you are in college, you may entertain the idea of transferring and starting anew.
There are many support groups for women at colleges and universities. Take advantage.... hanging out with older women may help. My help came in the form of a re-entry to college course for women. I chose to be brave and share my experience in a class called Work and life Options class for re-entry women (I was 19, most women in the class were in 30's to 50's). I shared my life story first and decided to include my rape experience as a very important event in my life...
Women in my class who had hid their rapes/assaults for 20-30 years shared their experiences as well, acknowledging these experiences as very influential on thier lives, and we all healed so much.... I felt greaat that as a very young woman I inspired these "older" women to share and start the healing process.... I am 35 now, married with kids and although the insult never goes away, the pain has lessened quite a bit... hang in there... reach out.... read, share, be cautious AND learn to trust again in your own time.... there is life after sexual assault...
Love i know how You feel a while back my half brother attacked me, i took him to court and he got away it, the reason for this is because my 'best' mate was there when it happened she refused to belive that it happened, also she wouldn't speak to the police so its my word against he's, so we couldn't take him to court for what he did. but he is in prison because he attacked someone else but the thing is he only got a year and will be out in under 6 months.
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to tell you what happened because i know how it feels, i was a victim and do you know what i want revenge i wanna feel like i'm free i wanna be able to talk to my 'best' mate with out seeing his evil face in her eyes.
All i can say is try hold your head up high and prove that your stronger and please put the cunt away!!!!
I agree on being careful about who you share this w/. I've also been trying to move on from an assault that happened 3 years ago but at first I was too anxious and I told the wrong guys who just took advantage of it. There's no timeline on how to heal. Just keep your friends close and cut that creep out of your life.
ReplyDeleteI fully understand where you're coming from, I understand the shame... None of it makes sense how someone who seemed so sweet could do something so horrible and have no remorse for it. When I was nine my father molested me twice in two weeks, and afterwards I felt soo miserable, I felt like it was my fault, I felt so ashamed. I am seventeen now and am still dealing with the issues that come from sexual assult. While the feelings won't go away, they will not be so real. You are an amazing person for even being able to share this with people and for that you should be proud. The depression goes away eventually. After my dad molested me my life was turned upside down. You have nothing to be ashamed of, it took me so long to realize it, but I did. You did absolutly nothing wrong, he is the one who should be ashamed. What he did to you is unaceptable, no one deserves this. You can cope with it, if you just talk about it. I know its hard, and it took me forever to talk about my problem. However, now that I do talk about it it has become easier. The fact that you see the guy makes it very hard, I am sure of that. However, when you do see him, don't let him see the pain. If he see that then he knows he is winning. The fact that you are asking for advice makes you a stronger person. As for the depression, try writing, it helped me out so much after my incident. The sick feeling will go away soon. You did nothing to deserve this.... Anyway, if you need anymore advice or anyone to talk to just message me...I will be happy to help.
ReplyDeleteI apologize in advance if this takes away from anyone's true experience of being victimized by sexual assault, it is not my intention. But for my own healing purposes I would like to share my own (rare?) experience of having been falsely accused of rape.
ReplyDeleteIn brief, this was during college in what I had hoped was more than a one night stand after a party. After vigourous questioning by the police and university officials, as well as having my name publicly dragged thru the mud, the case was dropped due to the fact that our stories had more similarities than not. She admitted to having spent time 'on top', shared the entire next morning together including brunch out-n-about (witnesses) and parting pleasantly at her dorm (more witnesses). It all begged the conclusion that she was a 'willing participant' ... in 'a mutually recipricated shared experience'. It also came to light that she was 'intimate with another person' the next week.
Legally in the clear, I am far from vindication as the experience left me psychologically unbalanced, as well as publicly humiliated. More than a decade later, I still beat myself up with the same question: How could I have made someone feel that uncomfortable? Others had told me that I did nothing wrong. But on some levels, I have never accepted that and continue to harbor confusion/blame upon myself.
I also chose not to sue for character defamation, even though it was a 'slam dunk'. Simply, I just wanted to put it all behind me. I know now that I may never find peace as this will always be with me, preoccupying me on occasion - much as it is now.
No matter how tarnished after the fact, I still hold memories of a wonderful time spent together. Without hindsight, I do not believe I would do anything differently. But with it, I have often hesistated with regards to overall relationship issues.
Am I stronger having been through this ordeal? .. or have I been ruined/damaged? The answer is both. I now have a fantastic wife and child who are remarkably patient and understanding.
am going through a problem with a friend she got raped of her next door nabour and gets grief for it cause she spoke to the police i need some advice on what to do email me at craig-d-2006@hotmail.com
ReplyDeleteok i am 16 and i was previously sexually assaulted about 3 months ago.. i dont know what to do either. its just creepy because i go to school with the guy who did it. so its hard to cope with things like this. but any imformation or advice please let me know.
ReplyDeleteSome universities offer on-campus restraining orders. If you enjoy the school you picked, YOU shouldn't have to be the one to leave. Support groups are excellent help in either case. Also, you should force yourself to be active - join clubs and meet people you feel safe around. Although it is not something you should feel obligated to keep as a shameful secret, I can second the advice to avoid sharing intimate sexual history with new men - they may come across as supportive initially but in almost every case I've seen them take advantage of this information. Finally: trust your instincts but not necessarily your "heart" for a while; the first will give you fair warning of people not to be trusted, and the second will encourage you to earn their affection in unhealthy ways.
ReplyDelete