Dear Harlan,
I'm a loser. I mean a real loser. I've never had a real friend, boyfriend or anybody in my life, ever, and I'm 24 years old. I sit at home alone every Friday night. I have a roommate, but she never wants to hang out with me. I know what you are thinking - I'm probably some ugly, smelly human being. I'm not. (At least I don't think I smell!) People just don't want to be around me. I don't swear, smoke, drink or do drugs. When I do meet a new person, I'm friendly but not forceful. I think I bore them to death, and maybe that's why they don't want to be around me. I don't sleep around - that's why men don't want to be with me. Maybe I talk about myself too much, so they get sick of me. I could go on and on, but I am probably boring you. If you can't help, please point me in the right direction to get help.
Loser
Dear Loser,
ReplyDeleteI wasn't thinking you were ugly or smelly. I was actually thinking about the men who will write to me wanting to meet you. You don't go out much, so you'd be happy to go anywhere on a date. I mean, you don't smoke or drink (a cheap date). And you're a virgin (no STD worries). You're a lot of guys' dream. The problem is that you're so busy hiding and thinking you're a loser that no one can get to know you or even date you.
Here are two plans of attack:
Plan A: Join a religious group, a volunteer group or an alumni group, or join a sports league and get put on the team, etc. Don't just go to meetings. Join the executive board (a great way to get to know people). Drop this "loser" thing and go in knowing that you're exceptional. If that doesn't work, move on to Plan B.
Plan B: Consult a psychologist. Beyond addressing your confidence issues, you might need some help interpreting social cues, body language and general nonverbal communication. Meaning, what someone is communicating isn't what you see and hear, which can cause a miscommunication, which can result in problems building friendships and relationships. And that would help explain a lot.
- Harlan
i was just reading this letter to you from a "loser" and i just wanted to say that i have a similar problem. i'm a little chubby but i think i'm beautiful. i have a reallynice looking face. i'm 18 i have no real friends that know of only cause they never call me or want to hang out with me. they treat me like a doormat. they call when they need to talk to me about them. i have daddy issues. i have me issues. i have men issues. i'm not the person i used to be or so i'm told. since high school started i began gaining weight. i have very little confidence in myself. i live in the clouds. i dream of being things but have no faith that i can do them. my relationship with my mother is retarded to say the least. but i think my biggest issue is the fact that i havent established a stable relationship with anyone whether its in friendship or love. i think i'm needy or i may expect too much from friends. its like i put them first i expect them to do the same about me. i feel like i care and they just dont. what am i supossed to do about this crap that i've been going through. i already know that i need to see a shrink tohelp get through my daddy shit but everything else? what the hell man..i'm cool as shit and fun to boot.what the hell is wrong with me??
ReplyDeletei want 2 tell u both that u can get out your situations, u just have 2 put in the effort. maybe have a makeover, so u FEEL more confident, if u feel good about yourself people will see it. it's a cliche, but it's true. have confidence in yourself n others will see that n want 2 b around u, they may even admire you for your courage to change.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with Harlan there, you have to get out there and join something or do something. Unfortunately you simply will not meet anyone unless you get out there and do stuff. The other big thing is your own self-esteem. Both of you thought that you were pretty so there is at least some self-esteem going on. The fact is that if you approach someone with the mentallity that you are a loser then it will be projected on to them. People don't respond to others simply based upon what they say, it's how they move, act, react, body language, even what they wear, etc. Trust me, if you feel confident people will react totally different towards you. Suggestions for gaining confidence could be a makeover asuggested above, also I think excersise would really help, it makes you look better and feel much better, plus joining a gym is another way to meet people. Also, just remind yourself of all the things you like about yourself on a regular basis, and keep those things in mind before you speak to someone. I'm sure there are many people out there who would love to meet you, so get out there and enjoy yourself!
ReplyDeleteI read the comment from the 18 year old "chubby" girl... and I completely sympathize. In high school and my first year of college I hid from everything because nobody could love a girl who wasn't a size 12 or less.
ReplyDeleteMy sophomore year I met one of my best friends who taught me that I was beautiful because I was me, and that being a size 14 isn't bad, and it doesn't make me ugly.
I encourage you both to uncover your good qualities and let them overpower what you see as your "bad" qualities. I have an uncanny ability to make even the most depressed person laugh... and that's only the beginning of so many good qualities I've discovered.
Just because society says we are supposed to look a certain way, doesn't mean we actually have to. We can look back at society and laugh in the face of all the people who believe the crap and smile because we feel okay about being us!
Hi. I can completely and utterly sympathize. I am a beautiful, attractive, physically in shape, nice, intelligent person. I do not understand why I did not have friends in high school or college. I just graduated from 4 years of college. I am now working at a loser job. And I am not sure what I want to do with my future. I kind of want to go to med school, but do not have the motivation. I may end up going to nursing school because it is easier to get into and less years of school. I have a degree in Exercise Science and I am certified as a P.T. so I may be a personal trainer, I fear that I do not have enough confidence to do that. I may also be a bartender, because I went to school for it this summer. I am obviously very confused. I do not have any friends. Most of my "friends" are just guys that want to sleep with me. I need female friends and I need to find a boyfriend that loves me and I am capable of loving him back. I have high standards for attractiveness. I think the reason I do not have friends is that I do not accept myself. I critisize myself and put myself down. I also do not go out a lot considering that I do not have any friends to go out with. I love to dance and go clubbing, but I do not have anyone to go with. I love the outdoors, biking, but again no one to do that stuff with. It is very frustrating. I really just want a couple of good girl friends and a boyfriend and I would be set. Then I wouldn't stress so much over what I wanted to do with my life because I'd have a social life and my work life would become less critical or important. People have told me I could be a model and I am a very good dancer and I have a beautiful body. I am also a pretty cool chick and I have a great body. I just need to make friends and get out more, which seems impossible to do. The only flaw in my appearance could be my curly hair or my freckles, but a lot of people think that is pretty too, so I just don't know what I need to do to get a life, but I'm tired of sitting at home bymyself in my parents house or when I was at school in my dorm room with nothing to do and no one to hang out with. I really do like hanging out with people, I even like to party and drink. I'm not some religious freak or a prude. I just don't understand. Anyway I feel your pain and I'd really like to meet some people in my area if anyone can help with that, that would be great.
ReplyDeleteDear loser,
ReplyDeleteI think that you need to pull your self together and try harder,you need to find someone who likes you for who you are and maybe get married.But don't do that right away go out for a few years see if you really like each other. If you do this I can garente you will have lots of fun. That may be all you really need.
Thuốc trị mụn cóc hiệu quả nhất mới nhất http://thuoctrimuncoc.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeletehttp://benhbachbiencolaykhong.blogspot.com/
Cách trị mụn cóc ở tay mới nhất http://cachtrimuncocotay.blogspot.com/
http://cachtrimuncocochan.blogspot.com/
Bị viêm da di ứng phải làm sao https://chuaviemdadiung-aua.blogspot.com/