Dear Harlan,
There are two guys at my school that I like, and they like me. I started dating one of them and then I started to like the other one more. I did this twice. I only saw that I was hurting them both, so I took some time to think, and I chose the second boy. Now that we are dating, it's really awkward for me. I don't know why — maybe it's because he can see himself marrying me and being with me forever. And that scares me. I like the first guy, and I want to end it with the second one, but I don't know how I am going to do that without the guilt of hurting him so bad. I just need help.
Avoiding Guilt
Dear Avoiding Guilt,
Guilt means that you've done something wrong. Being honest isn't wrong.Leading someone on is wrong. The right thing to do is be honest. That can mean feeling bad, but there's no reason to feel guilty. Given that you're friends, you can be brutally honest. This isn't tragic. But I wouldn't expect him to be your friend. I also wouldn't expect him to encourage you to date his friend. If you respect him, be honest with him.
Honesty is the best policy. If your not honest with him, or youself, than you are just waisting your time and his emotions. Tell him the truth, I think maybe you might need more time to think about what you really want, before making another decision. Tell him you need time. When you break up with him dont go running to the other guy right away, because that can cause resentment. Give it some time, let the other guy know that you are still interested in him, but you want to take things slowly, hang out more and be friends for awhile, test drive. make sure this is what you want before you commit. But you need to clear the air, because if you dont, you will be hurting youself. The truth will eventually come out. People talk. So, out of respect, just tell him before someone else does first. because that hurts worse.
ReplyDeleteim in a similar situation, i met two guys one night out. and i like them both soo much, i dont know who to pick, one knows about the other guy, and the other one doesnt have a clue. im not commited to any of them, but the one that knows about the other wants me to make a decision, and the other one, im scared of hurting, im soo damn confused. in your situation though, you need to work on your marriage. marriage aint nuttin to play with, at least my ass is single.
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