Dear Harlan,
I'm 20, and I'm currently in a long-term relationship with a man a little over 40. He is my ex-teacher, and I had known him for about 3 years as a friend before we started a more-intimate relationship (after I was no longer his student). The age difference and my inexperience in dating (I had had one previous boyfriend) make me anxious about the future. I worry that if we stay together, he will reach old age when I am middle-aged. I also worry about my own maturity and development. Also, things will become more complicated, as he just got a job at the college I am attending (he needed to find a closer location to cut out the hours spent commuting). How do you think his peers and mine will respond to knowledge of our relationship?
Slightly Worried
Dear Slightly Worried,
He's old and wise; you're young and not as wise. The risk is that as you get older and wiser, he'll just get old.
Given that this is your first serious relationship, there's not a lot of competition for it to be your BEST. So do yourself and your peers (who will think this is totally wrong) a favor: Listen to yourself. DO NOT RUSH INTO ANYTHING. He might know what he wants, but you need years to figure it out. If you do continue seeing him, make sure he's only part of your life, not your entire life. Don't move in together. Don't get engaged. Have friends. Discover other passions. Find some balance. Your 20s are about figuring out who you are. Let time and experiences in college be your teacher - not him.
No comments:
Post a Comment