Abandoning Dream To Follow Guy is Nightmare

Dear Harlan,

I have been dating a boy for about seven months, and we are very much in love. We make plans for “forever” as if it’s a restaurant to go to on Thursday. The only issue is that he is a year older than me. He is going to college a half-hour from where we live. I, however, have always dreamed of going far away, to Oregon or Washington. My boyfriend says he wants to go with me. I was perfectly OK with us going together provided we both get accepted into the college together, until one of my friends stepped in and began to try to talk me out of it, saying I would regret it. What do you think about this? Have you heard of this working, or is it better to just leave my life and love behind and start over new?

Confused HS Senior

Dear Confused HS Senior,

If I ran a “WORST IDEA OF THE YEAR” contest, this idea could make the final round. Here’s how I see it: College takes up about nine months of the year -- with breaks, eight months. Figure that you’ll see each other at least once every eight weeks or so (book cheap flights early). Then you have cell phones (free cell-to-cell minutes), the Internet, video chats and text messaging (use them all in moderation). You have your ENTIRE life to live with him and be close to someone. Being apart might be scary and uncomfortable, but learning how to get comfortable with the uncomfortable is more valuable than any degree. There’s always the risk that one or both of you will find someone else, but love can endure. Having a life away from him and still wanting to be with him is the ultimate testament. But that’s just one more opinion. The decision is up to you, but I’m with your friend on this one.

Parents Freak Out After Spotting Roommate’s Drug Paraphernalia

Dear Harlan,

My parents recently visited me on campus. When my parents came into my room, they noticed something on my roommate's desk. My roommate left her smoking device on her desk in plain sight. My family is freaking out that I'm living with someone who smokes pot. They don't approve of drugs and are worried that this will influence me. What should I do about this?

Fuming

Dear Fuming,

Tell your parents that your roommate also has sex with strangers and drinks. But you're not going to sleep around and drink just because she does it. That should comfort them — no, I'm not at all serious. Here's my problem — there's a chance that people will think this is yours. Even if it's not, some of these people might have the power to write you up, report you or even have you arrested. So, from a legal point of view, it's a bad idea to have drugs or drug paraphernalia in your room. And that's the way to approach her. Pick a sober moment and talk to her. Let her know what happened and that it makes you uncomfortable to be in a room with drug paraphernalia (or drugs). Ask her to hide her drug paraphernalia and to keep the drugs out of the room (in case there are drugs in the room). If she can't respect this rule (or the law) — get out of that room. I know this might sound like an over-the-top response, but a student who gets convicted of a crime involving drugs can not only be expelled, but can become ineligible for federal student aid. And if a student has received federal money, he or she can be asked to pay it back. So while it might seem harmless and funny, it has the potential to be a big unfunny situation.

Dating People In Power Is Sexy, But Too Dangerous

Dear Harlan,

I'm a freshman living in the dorms this year. I've got a huge crush on my resident assistant. It's not even a crush of convenience — I hang out with him every day, and as cheesy as it sounds, he's literally different from any guy I've ever met in my life. But I know it's not very smart to date your R.A., for obvious reasons. What advice would you give for this dilemma?

Adult Crush

Dear Adult Crush,

As a rule — someone who can write you up is never allowed to feel you up. Yes, he's different. He's different because you've never met a guy who lives a few doors down in a position of power. Hot guy plus power plus living next door plus no curfew equals hot fantasy and intense emotions. All this said, until he's not in a position of power, don't date him. Look at it like this: If you like this guy, why would you put him in a position where he could get fired? Should you date this guy, he could end up losing his job. And if room and board is a perk of the position, this means he might be forced to move home. Then he won't be down the hall, down the street or in the state. I don't doubt your attraction. I don't doubt he's different, but make sure it's not illegal or against the rules. Besides, if you become a couple and break up, your ex-boyfriend will be your R.A. living down the hall. See the problem now?